MAMACADABRA

Remember yesterday when I said I didn’t want to sound preachy?  And I also mentioned a fear of exposing my faults?  Well let’s go ahead and get this one over with and move on…shall we?

In the past two days I’ve heard a couple devastating stories that, at their most basic, were the results of people being horribly MEAN.  I mean really really mean.  Junior high level nastiness at its worst…waged by adults.  In their 30s.  My gut reaction was utter disbelief that people can be so mean to each other.  I don’t understand it.  I don’t understand how people have the energy to wage all out assaults on each other like really naughty eighth grade girls.  But then I took a step back to think about being mean.

Hmm…am I mean?

Yesterday I was waiting for my husband to get to the gym and I saw a woman walk in wearing a white suit (pencil skirt and blazer) with white heels.  My first thought was ‘no, no, no!  It is AFTER Labor Day for the love of God!  And it’s COLD out!  What the?!’  I mean even now I’m thinking maybe if we lived on the West Coast, or maybe if we lived somewhere even remotely warm, or maybe if her stylist is Rachel Zoe and she decides it’s actually OKAY to wear white between Labor and Memorial Days, well THEN maybe just maybe it would be okay!  But…but…we don’t live on the West Coast, it’s cold, and I don’t know but I feel like maybe Rachel Zoe was not involved in this outfit choice.

Initially I couldn’t wait to tell my husband.  But…I had heard the first of the two very sad stories yesterday…and it gave me pause.

Who the f-ck am I?  This woman may have been wearing white in the middle of a midwest winter but she had a banging body and, in retrospect, is probably hot sh-t in her circle.  Hell she’d probably be hot sh-t in MY circle.  Not to mention from what I could tell she was probably 50+ and looked like she was 40.

I am judgmental.  I jump to conclusions that I’m certain are misguided and inaccurate.  And while I may not cyber bully, or spread lies about people, I’m not quite sure that makes what I do in my day-to-day life any or much better.

There have been times in the past several years that I have been mad as hell.  Mad.  As.  Hell.  We’ve overcome some hurdles that at the time seemed insurmountable.  I think at first that made me feel like I could be judgmental.  I’D been through the ringer and somehow that made me feel superior in a sense.  Better than…smarter than…stronger than…

Recently, though, I’ve started to feel like I don’t have the stomach for it.  It feels like so much is IN OUR FACE…ALL THE TIME…that any judgment or unkindness on top of simply watching FOX News or CNN is just too much.  Too too much.

My little girls and I talk a lot about other kids who are mean.  I often tell them that people are mean because they are sad themselves.  So why, if things are going pretty great for me, would I need to be judgmental or unkind?!  It’s nonsense.  It’s gross.  It’s unacceptable.

But wait.  I’m sarcastic.  Dry.  Wickedly funny (well I think so at least).  Doesn’t some of that COME from being judgmental?

I had a high school composition teacher who contended that people who used swear words were those that weren’t bright enough to come up with the words to express their points properly.  Clearly, you can see in this and my past posts, I am one of those people.  But he had a point.  If I can’t be sarcastic, dry, and wickedly funny without being judgmental and mean, I’m probably not REALLY that funny in the first place.

So here’s the thing…

TODAY:  What if I stop being so judgmental?