MAMACADABRA

If you were wearing a t-shirt that said “I’m With Stupid” the arrow would be pointing at your computer screen.  I.  Am.  An.  Idiot.  Today.  And limiting it to today is probably an understatement.  But we’ll start there.

So I currently have an injury that is prohibiting me from doing what I really like to do at the gym which is to run.  I’m on a four to six week hiatus that is making me IN-SANE.  For the time being, when we go to the gym, I am now lifting weights with my husband.  Today, while changing the weights on a bench press bar, I dropped a 25 pound weight on the top of my foot.  My big toe got the brunt of it.  It took every fiber of my being not to start crying like a baby at the top of my lungs.  It hurt BAD.

The point of this is not that I dropped a stupid weight on my stupid foot.  The point is that my head’s not in the game.  At. All.  And to be honest, it hasn’t been for awhile.

Every year, starting on the Monday before Thanksgiving, I start to lose focus.  A little bit each day.  Instead of thinking about the daily things I have to accomplish, I’m thinking of shopping, wrapping, decorating, planning parties, checking off Christmas lists, shopping, and shopping some more.  By the time the week of Christmas arrives I’m totally worthless.

Usually after New Year’s Eve I feel ready to take on the world.  Refreshed, relaxed, and excited for the new year ahead.  And in a sense, this year, I did feel that way.  I started this blog and I’ve been doing some amazing things as a result of it.  But for some of the more practical and mundane things I do (i.e. work, working out, cleaning the house, etc.) I can’t get in the zone.  When I’m at work I’m thinking about all of the things I could be doing at home.  When I’m at home I’m thinking about needing to write a post for this blog.  When I’m at the gym I’m thinking about how sleepy I am.

What is happening?!  Am I not getting enough sleep?  Is there too much going on for me to focus on the tasks at hand?  Have I suddenly come down with an astonishingly crippling bout of ADD?  What is the deal?!  Furthermore, how do I make it stop?!

I know that we all take-on a lot.  I used to be MORE organized and MORE energetic and MORE successful the MORE busy I was.  But now I just can’t seem to focus on the things I NEED to be focusing on.  I’m constantly on to the next thing while checking my work email and home email and playing nine games of Words with Friends and texting and reading a book and listening to a book and running the girls here and running the girls there and picking up dry cleaning and putting on make-up and taking off make-up and subsequently DROPPING 25 POUND WEIGHTS ON MY FOOT.

Seriously…who does that?!

Sweet Jesus.  It’s a frigging miracle I get anything done with all the things I have going on and all of the delightful distractions that have been made available to me (damn iPhone)!

Something has to change.  I don’t know if it’s going to bed earlier or working in more down time or what but if I can’t figure out how to get some focus I’m going to be a mess.  I think I might actually qualify as a big hot mess today.

So as I hobble out the door to celebrate Eh’s birthday I’m thinking that…

TODAY:  What if I take some steps to regain my focus and drive (I would definitely take suggestions if there are any out there).  And what if I go ahead and avoid the weight room for a couple days.