MAMACADABRA

Oh.  My.  God.  Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!!!  I’m off work today and the little girls and I decided to go to our local community center’s indoor park.  I’m not kidding you…I may have actually found hell on earth.  I like kids, I swear I do, in fact I even really really love some of them.  But Sweet Jesus..this place is truly horrible.  Thank God for 32 ounces of Diet Coke.

For anyone not sure if they want kids…you need to come here before making any rash decisions.

They should make teenagers sit in here for a day.  It would put an end to teen pregnancy…I’m absolutely sure of it.

Let me tell you a little something about me…patience is not my strong suit.  In fact, much of the time, patience and I don’t see eye to eye AT.  ALL.  If only Axl Rose could follow me around singing the song…I’m pretty sure THAT would do the trick.

When I was single  it didn’t much matter that I didn’t have ANY patience.  Since becoming an instant Mom, however, I’ve obviously had to take a step back and look at my complete inability to be patient.  It doesn’t really work to be impatient all the time when you have kids.

(The ratio of kids to adults here is approximately 6 to one.  I do not like these odds!!!)

Over the last several years I think I’ve done a pretty good job of reigning in my impatience and thinking before I speak/react/start weeping when dealing with the little girls (I don’t really start weeping…at least in front of people).  But it hasn’t really improved my patience in other aspects of my life.

When I decide, even half-heartedly, that I want something or want to do something…I obsess a little.  My husband might argue that I “get crazy.”  I don’t have the patience to mull it over…I want it NOW.  If we’re having any sort of disagreement I want to hash it out immediately.  My husband tends to want to think things through…figure things out in his head.  I want to talk, talk, talk it through until it’s resolved.  And it irritates me that he doesn’t process in the same way.

(Okay, for serious…I can barely concentrate…the yelling/screaming/crying is so so loud.)

When I go to a meeting, I get so impatient and irritated if my colleagues aren’t there on-time.  God forbid, if a meeting goes over its scheduled time, I start feeling more and more violent as the meeting goes on and on.  I have no patience for the lack of time management.

I now have TWO injuries I need to overcome and I have NO patience WHATSOEVER with my body.  I want to be able to do what I want at the gym right now already!  I don’t want to wait it out.  I’d rather run with pain then wait but I know I can’t do that.

Even this blog.  Isn’t the point, other than the writing…I truly adore the writing, to have readers?  Well how long does it take to get readers?  How can I get more readers?  SHOULDN’T I HAVE MORE READERS BY NOW???  And yet from everything I’ve heard…I’m supposed to be…wait for it…patient.  Patient?  Really?

Here’s where it gets interesting.  My Grandma was not a warm, affectionate, sweet woman.  When I was younger I thought she was so cold and b-tchy.  But now that I reflect back on it… she was actually just really IMPATIENT.  She was impatient with the grandkids, people working at restaurants/airports/stores, her own kids, etc.  She was impatient with everyone.  My Mom is also relatively impatient.

And more interesting yet, as the girls tired of this nasty place today, one of them told me that some Moms were on the slides with their children and were just sitting at the top and wouldn’t go down.  She said quote “I wanted to say ‘hello?  Go down the slide already!'”  My kids are impatient with people too?!  Already?!

The truth is, I don’t want my kids to see me being impatient and doing the same thing.  And I have worked retail…I don’t want to be the b-tchy shopper retail employees grumble about when they go home from work.  And I don’t want to railroad people into making decisions or doing things just because I can’t stand to wait for them to process things their own way.  It makes me seem like such a bully.  So…

TODAY:  What if I take a step back, take a deep breath, and just practice patience?  Not only with my little girls but with everyone.  They say it’s a virtue you know.