MAMACADABRA

No, you shouldn’t do it for ME (unless you really want to…depending on what you’re doing)…I’m saying you should do what you do for you, and I will do what I do for me.

Alright fine.  So thankfully I have girlfriends who will call my a-s out when I’m being ridiculous, or too self-involved, or if I’m enjoying a silly pity party for no reason.  Today, I was talking with my girlfriend Kay about how my writing might be terrible and I must figure out how to get better.  Among other things, she said I need to be doing this for ME.  Well ain’t that a kick in the head?  By the way, I have no idea why I’ve been using ain’t so much lately, I don’t say it in real life so I have no idea why it keeps popping up in my writing.  I apologize.

So wait a second.  Are you saying that I’m just supposed to write what comes to mind each day without worry or concern about how all of you will respond to it?  Is THAT what you’re saying?!  Because that could make for a very interesting year.  I guess, without really thinking about it, I’ve been trying to write about topics that I think people will be able to relate to and understand.  But I’ve gotta say, there are days when the “what ifs” that come to mind feel flat or less appealing or controversial.  But when I’m not writing about what originally came to mind I fear that the writing IS flat and less appealing.

When I think of some of the things I’ve discussed in the past couple weeks that I’d like to do differently in this Year of What If, I’ve told you that I want to do them for my little girls, or for my husband, or for my girlfriends.  I’m starting to think, based on Kay’s tough love, that I might have more luck with all of these things if I actually do them for myself.  I know I want to be more inspiring for the little girls, but let’s be honest, I could use some inspiration too.

Instead of laboring over how much the PTO at my little girls school probably loathes me right now, I should just get my sh-t together and put the reading program together for ME, because I’ll feel better.  And instead of trying to be more patient for the little girls, I should do it for MYSELF, so I can maintain my good blood pressure.  And instead of thinking about the damn 20 post-marriage pounds I want to lose and how I should do that for everyone’s sake, I should just go ahead and get that done for myself.  In fact, anything I’ve been laboring over for the sake of what other people think or feel, I should just let go of and focus on the things that make ME happy and improve MY life knowing that it will make things better for everyone involved.

So I guess if you think I write poorly, or that what I’m writing about is trivial, or that my opinions are ridiculous, then please please read other peoples’ blogs.  In fact, I know of some pretty good ones and when I can figure out how to put them on here, I will start to list them on the right side so you can visit them.

If you do, however, enjoy reading about my mishaps, and my flaws (my goodness…who knew I had so many?!), and my real or supposed failures (and subsequent FEAR of failing), and my seriously troubling (according to some) addiction to McDonald’s Diet Coke, please do continue to come back.  I will do my best to write for myself with hopes that it will be better writing every day.  And I will continue to try to improve this life by saying “what if?” every day.  And I will learn to respond to comments.  And I will learn to Twitter.  And maybe just maybe all of that will equate to some decent writing and some entertainment for all of you (not that it matters people…I’m doing this for me).

TODAY:  What if I do this and other things for ME?  What if I focus on things that are important to ME and let go of any worries about how anyone else might react?  And just what if people still like it?  Well that would be just lovely!

PS – Thank you Kay for helping me see the light!