Last night we were up with the baby. Oh, I’m sorry, did I fail to mention the baby? He’s 50 pounds, furry, and a goldendoodle. For some reason he could not sleep last night. He kept getting up and changing positions, locations, and the toys with which he was sleeping. And then he did something completely out of character. He started crying. I was up several times with him and finally I just got up at five. On a Saturday morning. One on which we do not have the little girls. What I’m getting at here is that I could have, should have, and certainly would have slept in (until at least SEVEN!!!) if I’d had the opportunity.
This is where my husband would likely insert “YOU wanted a dog.” I did. I did want a dog. And he’s just lovely. But five in the morning? No.
Did I mention that last night I went out for the third, that’s right people I said third, time this month? I’m just trying to really get the point across that getting up so early, after being out, was not how I had hoped to spend my Saturday morning.
Never fear, however. I went about running errands this morning and had a great idea for a post. I thought it through and had come up with the outline of the post in my head. Now, if I’d been smart, or thinking clearly, or even 100% awake, I would have gone home, typed it up, published, and moved on. Instead, however, I went home and my husband and I decided to go try to trade in one of our cars.
Well you know how that goes, you figure out the car you want, then you sit and sit while they try to come up with the financing deal that everyone involved can agree upon. Today, on a day that we were both over-tired, and hadn’t really eaten, and had other things to do, today it took four hours. FOUR. EFFING. HOURS.
When we got home we were starving, exhausted, but proud new owners of a shiny car that will better fit all of us and the DAMN DOG (a couple days ago he was one of the great loves of my life and today he is the DAMN. DOG.). I came down to write and surprise, surprise, my mind is mushy-mush-mush.
For a good 45 minutes I’ve tried to recall all of the eloquent, witty, and smart things I came up with this morning. Yet all I can think of is gas mileage, the one floor mat that didn’t come home with the car, and bluetooth syncing. None of that is eloquent, witty, or smart. Or interesting for that matter.
But it brings up a point. Sometimes I’ve just had too much in one day, and I’m tired, and my brain is fried, and I think I should soldier through and make things happen. You have to work hard, right?
What if that’s not always the case?
I have a pile of books on my nightstand that I’m desperate to get through. I never ever give myself a night to just read. At least not recently. In this year of what if I have been really trying to make the most of my time and get things done. Less talking, more doing. More going out. More this. More that. But it occurs to me that if I really sit here and force myself to write about what I’d originally hoped to, I will be wasting a topic that I’m excited about on a brain that isn’t functioning properly.
Example One: I almost shut the garage door on top of the DAMN DOG when I got home tonight.
Example Two: Remember a week ago when some idiot dropped a 25 pound weight on my toe? Okay, okay, fine. You win. I was that idiot. Well tonight I’ve stubbed said toe twice, I’ve run things over it, and I’ve accidentally bent it in ways that apparently my toe can’t bend post-idiot-dropping-weight-on-toe.
Bottom line…I’m a mess. I think tonight I might need to just cool it, lay low, do some reading, and learn how to love this DAMN DOG again. That last one will likely take 2.2 seconds but I still need to put that 2.2 seconds of time in. If I’m going to keep this up all year, and really make a difference in my life, I’m going to have to balance it with a little down time. So…
TODAY: What if I give myself a break and take down time when I can get it. What if I NEED to lay low and read and snuggle with my puppy (see…that didn’t take long) and my husband? And what if I go ahead and close my laptop immediately so I can put both you and me out of the misery that is this post. Good idea. Good. Night.