MAMACADABRA

I have a small obsession with 80s movie montages.  We spend the first hour allowing the main character to charm us but also watching them face a number of unfair challenges, then there’s this wicked awesome montage with amazing songs like “You’re the Best Around” by Joe Esposito and our main character is beating all odds by working harder and focusing, and the last half hour consists of them kicking all of their adversary’s a-ses and getting the girl.  Or the guy.  It’s just like real life.  Right?

Maybe it’s because, at heart, I will always be this girl:

How do you like me NOW?!  And if it’s not blatantly clear (thankfully my eight year-old self was smart enough to write who I was supposed to be on the back of the picture) I was dressed as Olivia Newton John.  FYI, I wore this and/or a pink version of the same outfit, to the Roller Gardens every Saturday morning.  Because that’s how I rolled back then.

80s movies totally molded me.  I watched Top Gun (VHS) almost every day one summer.  On my first day of college I was checking out the big communal bathroom and through the open windows I heard Kenny Loggins coming from outside.  I looked out and there were ACTUALLY shirtless guys playing sand volleyball to “Playing with the Boy’s.”  I thought I was going to die.

When I decided it was time for me to lose weight, I depended on 80s montage music to get me through.  That and repeating “pain is weakness leaving the body…pain is weakness leaving the body…pain is weakness leaving the body…” when I was hating running.  I’d seen it on a billboard for the Marines and it sounded logical.  I kid you not…that saying and Kenny Loggins got me through more runs than I care to remember.

The point is, I kind of looked at that time as my montage.  I had made it through some tough times, I was feeling great, and now was the time to get my a-s in gear.  It took me nearly two years, and I worked my a-s off every day, and at the end I felt like Danielson must have after winning his karate match despite his leg having been swept by the Cobra Kai.  I felt amazing.  I felt like I look in the picture above.

Fast forward a lot of years and even though my alarm clock wakes me up to “Maniac” from Flashdance every morning, I ain’t livin’ in no montage.  Bleck.  My injuries have meant that I can’t do what I want at the gym and I just trail my husband around the weight room like an idiot.  I hate it.  I hate going.  And I sense he’s getting a little irritated with my attitude.

What is the deal?!  I can put energy into all of these what ifs, I can put energy into writing every day, I can put energy into all sorts of stuff, but I can’t seem to do the work to figure out how to exercise with my stupid bursitis?  Seriously?!

When in doubt, watch Nickelodeon with your kids, and I’m sure the answer will come to you.

Tonight the little girls were watching Victorious on Nick.  In this particular episode they were imitating “The Breakfast Club.”  It was actually pretty funny how they translated it all to be appropriate for little girls.  But they sang “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” and…it spoke to me.  Yes, yes, I realize that what I’m admitting to you is that the show Victorious on Nickelodeon SPOKE TO ME.  I know how ridiculous that sounds.  But, alas, it’s an 80s montage song after all.  And it made me think ‘wait a second.  Wait.  One.  Second.  WHAT am I doing?!’

See here’s the thing.  I could swim.  I could SWIM!!!  It wouldn’t hurt my stupid hip, it would be great cardio, and I’d burn tons of calories.

But it’s cold, and I can’t listen to music (I don’t have the fancy headphones you can use under water), and it’s…cold.  I am cold all the time and I really don’t like being cold!!!

BUT…since I can’t walk and I can’t run and I can’t bike…it is probably my only option.  And it’s a REALLY GOOD option.

While moping around the weight room and not burning any calories sounds a lot EASIER than starting to swim (hmm…maybe it doesn’t) I think it’s time for me to try something new.  I think it’s time for my second montage.

See, I’m relatively charming, and as I’ve pointed out this month I’m facing some challenges too.  NOW is the time for the montage.  NOW is the time for 80s music.  And NOW might be time for me to pull out “pain is weakness leaving the body” again to get myself motivated.  I don’t want to turn into a lump because of my injuries.  But unless I do something I fear that’s exactly what will happen.  I want to look like the girl at the top of this post…I do NOT want to look like the girl I was seven years ago.

So bring on “Holding Out for a Hero” and “Danger Zone” and “Footloose” and “Lunatic Fringe” and Journey…oh…I’ll save my bordering on crazy love of Journey for another post.  But JOURNEY would definitely do the trick.  And I’ll use my IMAGINATION, as we talked about the other day, and I’ll pretend I’m training for a swim meet that I’ve been told I’m not good enough to compete in…yeah, that’s it!

Okay…seriously now…

TODAY:  What if I go into montage mode and get my a-s in gear…before said a-s doesn’t fit into my jeans anymore.  What if I look at that bitchin’ picture above for inspiration?

PS – What are the odds I can find an outfit like the one above?  THAT would be GREAT motivation for me to get back in shape.  I could totally rock that for Halloween.