MAMACADABRA

I’m fired up.  Can we talk about my last twenty-four hours?  Let’s do that shall we?

Last night I decided to get crazy and try walking.  I’ve done no walking/running in two months due to injuries.  I decided to just try walking a mile to see if there is pain while walking, after walking, and the day after walking.

First off, I walked a mile, and the fastest I felt comfortable going was 3.2 miles per hour.  Do you KNOW how long a mile takes at that pace?!  Sweet Jesus it felt like seven hours of walking at the slowest pace ever, but it was really 18 minutes, and the only sweat on me was that of the runners on treadmills around me.  Bleck.

Good news is it went okay.  There may be hope that I can run again after all.

Bad news is that this morning I decided to get really crazy and weigh myself.  And do you know THAT BASTARD (my scale) actually had the AUDACITY to report I am five pounds more than I was when I was thinking I had 20 pounds to lose?  What an a-shole.  Which means that I have 25 pounds to lose.  I think that’s just bullsh-t.

I got to work today feeling both fired up and a little violent (it’s amazing the scale made it through the morning).  I overheard some colleagues discussing their week.  They have decided to try to shed some pounds, are using the same app to do so, and are “friends” on said app.  I went over to my boss’ office where this conversation was taking place and said “I want a piece of this action.”

Okay, so perhaps I didn’t think about the fact that becoming “friends” with my boss and her boss will mean that they can see my exercise activity and caloric intake.  Or that I will be able to see theirs.  None of which do I feel is any of their or my business.

But I walked away feeling my competitive side dusting itself off.  I want to win.  I want to exercise more, and eat less, and I want to do it not so my clothes will fit, and not so I’ll look better, and not to get to a particular number, but because I WANT TO WIN.

I want them to log in and I want to be the bane of their existence because I have logged another 400 calories burned or another day of eating less than my caloric goal.   Hopefully that will encourage them to do the same.

I went to my desk, logged in, requested their friendship, and then I noticed it said “theyearofwhatif has not logged in for several days.  She may need some encouragement.”  Grrrrr.  I walked back to my boss and said “if that app tells you to give me encouragement, and you do it, I will want to kick you in the throat.  I would much rather you send me a message to the extent of ‘get your fat a-s to the gym!’”  She laughed hard and long, apparently thinking I was kidding, so I said “I am actually serious.”  She cleared her throat and said “umm…okay then.”

I do not want to write a blog about weight loss, or eating, or exercise, but I do want to give myself a kick in the pants when it’s needed and according to my scale, it’s needed.

I know several friends who are in the process of trying to improve their health right now.  Well let’s be honest, I always know SOMEBODY that is on a personal mission to get to a number on the scale.  And this post is dedicated to all of you.  But it’s not a warm and fuzzy “you can do it!!!” message.  No smiley faces and supportive encouragement from me.

Wait, not true, for the two of you who just had babies, you CAN do it and I am way supportive of you!  Happy to say sweet encouraging things to you anytime you need it.

Today I’m challenging the rest of you that I know are on this mission to BRING.  IT.  There are only a few areas in my life where competition and trash talk motivate me to take action.  THIS is one of them.  So for any of you who operate and/or think like I do…GET YOUR A-S IN GEAR!!!  We are better than this, smarter than this, and we can do it.  If that means spending 10 minutes more exercising than you want to, DO IT.  If it means ordering a burger with no bun, ORDER IT.  Or, if on a particular day, it just means eating one piece of cake rather than two, EAT ONE PIECE.

This is not rocket science people…it’s about winning…and I intend to do just that!

TODAY:  What if I make it my personal mission to WIN by working to lose my 20 (ahem…25) pounds?  What if in my efforts to WIN I actually lose the weight and improve my health?

PS – Yes I’m aware that I was involved in a Twitter conversation today about gnocchi.  And yes I’m aware that plates full of gnocchi will not actually help me in this endeavor.

PPS – I will be fired up if I receive comments saying things like “you can do it!!!”  Or “good luck!!!”  I would much prefer you say “stop your f-cking whining and get moving!!!”  If you can’t say something nice challenging, you shouldn’t say anything at all (at least in regards to THIS post…otherwise nice comments are always welcome!).