MAMACADABRA

You know those days when it becomes perfectly clear to you why and how people lose their effing sh-t and go postal? I’m having one of those days. Two hours ago I was mad as hell and was ready to write ad nauseam about the people and events that sparked my anger today. I dropped the little girls at gymnastics, ran to McDonalds for crack Diet Coke, opened my laptop, and decided to check out Facebook and Twitter prior to getting started on this post.

Upon opening Twitter I realized something had happened. I follow several bloggers on Twitter to better understand how other people do this (for those who don’t know…I’m new at this blogging thing). Tonight most of them were mourning the death of Susan Niebur, a blogger who today lost a long battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I got so caught up reading everyone’s posts that before I knew it I had to run back to pick up the little girls.

We got home and completed our marathon of a Monday night and finally I got them to bed.

Again, I opened my laptop, and prior to starting my post I thought I’d look up Susan’s blog Toddler Planet. She last posted herself on January 22nd and today her husband posted a goodbye message. I read back several posts and I am in awe of the grace with which she wrote while facing debilitating pain, serious illness, and the very real possibility of death.

I’ve written about needing to be better about stepping back, taking deep breaths, and being truly grateful for the wonderful cards I’ve been dealt. It’s easy to say that none of us really have anything to complain about…but the truth is…life is hard sometimes. There are days when co-parenting among four people can be truly crazy-making. When you realize that your colleagues don’t necessarily hold the high standards of professionalism that you do and that it can affect your clients. When you are already 3/4 through your evening and you figure out that maybe it would have been better to skip gymnastics because the little girls are a bit under the weather. When you get home and realize the dog has swallowed yet another stuffed animal. And when, because of what you decide to take-on as an ambitious couple, you have to face one of these days by yourself, because your partner is working his tail off in school again.

Here’s the thing. I could have easily written a biting, sarcastic, and funny account of the utter foolishness of this day and the people with whom I’m forced to interact…but I and the forum I’ve carved out for myself here…might be better than that. Maybe we have the ability to be funny and edgy at the expense of others but how does that really make any of us (the non-ridiculous people) any better? I’m just not sure it does.

I usually don’t let anger get the best of me. I’m usually good about seeing the big picture and understanding that, in the long run, getting angry and spouting off about it gets me 12 miles past nowhere. Today, however, I was ready to jump on that train and go full speed ahead. Had I done so I would have been really ashamed of myself.

I’m so grateful that I was stopped in my tracks and reminded of what really matters. Was allowed to see just a sliver of the grace and beauty that Susan Niebur shared with the world. And can say honestly, after really thinking about it, that I don’t want to be that guy.

Not to mention, I don’t want to let the people that get me so fired up win by giving them space here.

So today I am once again committing myself to looking at this year as one in which I can improve myself a bit each day. I will never be a Suzy Sunshine that posts about flowers and butterflies and how we should all hold hands and be thankful for every second of every day. I will, however, try to write posts that are at least a teensy bit inspiring, even if the inspiration comes from the ridiculousness I (and sometimes my friends and family) face in my own life.

We do live in a truly wonderful world. Despite what we read each day in the news, see on TV, hear on the radio, and face in real life on our really tough days. I hope that I can contribute to the beauty of the worlds of those I adore and I hope you also have the opportunity to do so.

TODAY: What if I remember how truly lovely my world is? What if I focus, not on the negative BS that we’re faced with day in and day out, but instead try to be a part of the beauty in the worlds of others?