I woke up this morning with brown hair. It’s significant because prior to this past Wednesday I have awoken to blonde hair every single morning for the past 35 (almost 36) years. I woke up with a headache, sore from working out, sore from my injuries, and when I looked in the mirror all I could think was that I just wasn’t looking or feeling like myself. Now may not have been the time to try that dark hair I’ve been talking about trying for the past few years.
This was going to be THE year. The best year so far. Last year was phenomenal for us and this year…well…this year was going to knock the socks off of last year. It started out that way, and it was so great, until it wasn’t. And here I am. With brown hair.
First let me assure you that things are likely going to turn around in a big way tomorrow morning. I did buy lottery tickets, after all, and I’m fairly certain a big win is in my future. On the off-chance my gut feeling that I’ll soon be a millionaire is wrong…I had to think of a Plan B. And that, my friends, is a do-over.
See the thing is, the taxes and the persistent injuries, they’ve caught me off-guard. I’m really bummed out about both, but more than that, I’m incredibly disheartened that I’ve allowed either to affect my mood/outlook/attitude so much. I’m usually the one saying “eh, no big deal, it’s going to be fine, GREAT even.” I’m having a hard time spitting that out right now. I’m crabby, discouraged, and I’m feeling a teensy bit defeated.
Okay, fine…I’m wallowing in self-pity. It’s true.
The really unfortunate part is that this in fact has been a remarkable year for so many reasons. We should be rejoicing and enjoying every moment. And instead I’m lamenting about things that are out of my control and that, at the end of the day, just don’t matter in the big picture.
So I’d like to officially request a do-over. I’m not particularly interested in riding this out. It’s like I bought a ticket to Paris, ended up in Bismark, ND, and have just bunkered down in a crappy motel without cable…instead of just getting back on the plane to Paris.
Here’s what I’m thinking. First, I think a couple Tylenol PMs have my name on them tonight. Second, if I can just go to sleep, dream of the many lovely things that will happen this year (starting tomorrow), wake up feeling rested and enthused for my Sunday, and then just…start over…it will be perfect.
Last night I dreamt that I was in line for black market cortisone shots with a group of NFL players…so let’s be honest…if I can just sleep through the night and feel well-rested in the morning it will be a BIG improvement.
If when I wake I don’t feel a shift in my outlook, I will lay in bed and list all of the things for which I’m truly grateful, until I am good and ready to get up feeling more like myself. And when I’m out of bed, and things are looking up, I am going to start checking-off the things that have been on my list since before things took a turn. And I’m going to have a lovely day at home with my husband and the little girls. And I’m going to control the things over which I have control. And for the rest of it…I’m going to let it go.
This is 2012…the year of what if…I am not willing to allow this to be a bad year. I do, however, have a serious desire to make it the BEST. YEAR. EVER.
That said, let’s try this again. As a wise woman once said…
The truth is I’ve been through too much to let a few bad days dissuade me. So I’m jumping back on my own bandwagon and I’m saying WHAT IF for the next 361 (four days doesn’t a fabulous plan break!) days I do little things each day to make this a truly spectacular year? I think it’s a plan.
Okay fine. It was actually me who wrote those words in my first post ever. But they make sense and sound like words of a wise woman…so…
TODAY: What if I need a do-over? What if tomorrow is the first day of the rest of this year…and it is the beginning of something SPECTACULAR?