Be. The. Ball.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m a teensy bit uptight.  I want things a particular way, I behave in a particular way, I expect things in a particular way, there are particular things I do and do not talk about outside of my home, and I don’t loosen up or relax very easily.  Now…obviously…with children you’re forced to loosen the grip on expectations a little bit.  After the first 47 times full glasses of juice are tossed across the kitchen, or a child vomits in your car, or you’re walking out the door dressed for work holding a beverage and a last-minute hug lands said beverage all over the front of you, it becomes clear that your carefully constructed idea of reality is shot to hell.

A good side note to illustrate my crazy would be the condo in which I lived prior to meeting my husband.  I used to keep my cupboards “Sleeping with the Enemy” organized with all can labels facing forward.  I had a party once and my “friends” thought it would be funny to screw with me.  When I went to my kitchen the next morning NOT ONLY were my cans completely askew, but they’d mixed cans and boxes and things from separate cupboards were now together, and when I figured it out I nearly had a stroke.  I still plan revenge for this…you a-sholes know who you are…you’ve been warned.

I digress…interestingly, in high school if you’d asked me what kind of guy I wanted to marry, I would have told you Ty Webb from Caddyshack…or more specifically…Chevy Chase.  Swoon.  A guy who was the absolute opposite of uptight.  A laid back, relaxed, and  guy’s guy.  When I think about the kinds of men the women in my family (who are all relatively uptight) have married…they are all pretty laid back, relaxed, guy’s guys.  Sweet Jesus…if any of us were married to uptight schmucks it would be World War III every second of every day on both coasts and throughout the midwest.

As for my lovely husband, there are a million things he feels totally fine about that absolutely freak me the hell out.  So…when we started talking about having a “36 is the New 25” party for me this year, and he suggested we have a theme, my mind started spinning immediately.  What if people don’t like themes?  What if they won’t come because they’ll feel uncomfortable if they aren’t dressed like the theme?  What about the pregnant people…they won’t want to dress up?  What if people come and think it’s ridiculous?  Isn’t it ridiculous?  We’re in our mid-30s for Christ’s sake, a theme?  Really?  REALLY???  Aaahhhh!!!

He’s wanted to do a theme party for quite some time.  Last summer we’d planned a Beverly Hills 90210 party.  I was amazed at how enthusiastic our friends were.  People were texting me things like “I’m SO Brenda!!!” Or “has anyone said they’re going to be Valerie yet???”  I was shocked.  We’d planned to make a Peach Pit in the backyard and play ’90s music all night.  We ended up having to cancel but to my surprise people had been really excited about the idea.

I like to surround myself with people who are NOT like me…you know…balance and all.

I decided that if we were moving forward with a theme party for MY birthday…that I was going to choose it damn it.  And then I had the BEST.  IDEA.  EVER.  Cue Ty Webb…CADDYSHACK!!!  I started emailing my husband quotes from the movie and text after text that said “Caddyshack!!!  Caddyshack!!!  Caddyshack!!!  Caddyshack!!!”  He ignored me.  Pretty much PAR FOR THE COURSE when I’m emailing/texting him incessantly about something he deems unimportant during a busy work day.  As.  If.

But answer me this?  How can golf skirts, plaid pants, pearls, and argyle be unimportant?  EVER???  I started telling my girlfriends who were all over it and I started to get really, shockingly, excited.  Then it occurred to me (a good hour or so later) that the party we’ve planned?  It’s actually at a golf course.  HOLY SH-T (I’m an idiot)!!!  It’s an even better idea than I’d originally thought!!!

Wait…before you get some crazy idea about us being ballers…the golf course is close by, cheap, and they are giving us all sorts of deals to make this possible.  Hangin’ at the Country Club is (sadly) not how we roll.  Yet.

Anyway, I was having lunch with my girlfriend Eh that day and as I started driving her direction my mind began to spin.  What in God’s name are my pregnant friends going to wear to a Caddyshack party?  Are we giving people enough time to find Caddyshack garb?  Wait…everyone has in fact seen Caddyshack, right?!  Eeek!  Is this a good idea???

But the visions of all of us dressed like the a-sholes at Bushwood Country Club in Caddyshack are too good to pass up.  Can I loosen up enough to do this and not give a damn about how people feel about it?  Ummm…as Ty Webb would say…”just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball.”

TODAY:  What if being uptight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (what…are you saying being uptight is NOT something people aspire to be???)?  What if being uptight all my life has resulted in missing out on what could be a whole lot of fun?  And finally…what the eff am I going to wear to this party???


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