MAMACADABRA

Sometimes when I’ve had a bad day, or a bad couple days, I like to revel in my disdain for everything and everyone.  Just for a little bit.  My sarcasm is a bit more “on,” I’m funnier and funnier, and soon enough my disdain turns into general feistiness.  Then I remember exactly who I am and I go from being pissed, to indignant, to feisty, to “I am F-CKING AWESOME and whoever doesn’t see it has problems far beyond anything over which I have any control.”  And then I’m fine.

I am feisty today.  Soooo feisty.  I’m on the tail-end of crabby and at the very beginning of cocky.

Aych and I have been trying to think of shirts we can have made for us to wear in our runs.  Why?  Better question…why not?  Initially we were thinking “Go Big or Go Home.”  But last week she had the greatest idea.  “Pretty.  Big.  Deals.”  Because, you know, we’re pretty and all…and…if push comes to shove I’d admit that we do think pretty highly of ourselves.  Thus…Pretty.  Big.  Deals.  It’s fantastic.

In high school I was in cheerleading.  My sophomore year there was a senior girl who would run some of the summer practices.  I was not a fan.  Primarily because she would walk around to different girls and tell them they needed an “attitude adjustment.”  Even as a sophomore in high school I remember thinking ‘really?!  WE need attitude adjustments?  You better check yourself before you wreck yourself sister!’  It seemed to me that if anyone were going to actually inspire an attitude adjustment it would need to be either ourselves or someone…umm…inspiring.

In my twenties I remember so many times thinking:

‘if I could just get this other job, THEN I’d…’ or
‘if I could just lose this ten pounds THEN I’d…’ or
‘if I could just win the lottery, THEN I’d…’ or
‘if I could just get a loan to pay off xxx, THEN I’d…’

And it just never seemed to work out.  I thought my happiness depended upon outside factors like money, or jobs, or how much I weighed, but the panacea I thought I needed to make it all better never appeared.  I of course eventually realized that the only way to actually change how I’m feeling about things is to…how do I put this…CHANGE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THINGS.

So back to today.  Man…I am tired.  Arguments before bedtime are the stupidest things ever.  Hands down.  I haven’t exercised since Monday.  Also stupid, stupid, stupid.  And stupid St. Patrick’s Day reintroduced Diet Coke to my diet after having gone five days without it.  Stupid.  BUT I proved I can go without it, until big Irish holidays, and briefly suspected text affairs (see Jealous.  Much.).  And yesterday was just.  Plain.  Stupid.

All of that said…I am pretty awesome.

• I am great at my job.  I have raised a good deal of money that has made an enormous difference in the lives of others.
• My husband and I took an all-expense paid trip to hell…but we made it back…together.  And we like each other more and more every day.
• My little girls know how much I love them and what they mean to me.  And they are going to grow-up to be remarkable women.  Seriously remarkable women.
• I am lucky to have amazing people in my life.  I mean…forget about it…they are the best.
• And dear friends, thanks to you, today I reached 9,000 views on this blog.  How is that even possible?!

You know what that was?  That right there?  THAT was a proper attitude adjustment.  Take THAT snotty senior team captain.

You know what else it was?  Proof that I am a pretty big deal.  A pretty big deal indeed.  Well…at least in my mind…which is all that matters at the end of the day. 

TODAY:  What if attitude adjustments are self-imposed and important?  What if telling myself I’m a pretty big deal makes me feel like a pretty big deal?

PS – Simply stating that you’ve helped me reach 9,000 views isn’t good enough.  Thank you so much for continuing to read and for sharing with your friends.  I so appreciate it.  You are all Pretty.  Big.  Deals.  Pretty big deals indeed.