Adulthood. Through. A. Pink. Eye.

Today was the day.  I was going to act like an adult.  I don’t mean I had plans to be really serious or no fun…but I wanted to work on making some better decisions.  About a month ago, in an effort to be more “spend” conscious, I decided I’d try to eat lunch in my office more often.  Now, to be clear, I am a going out to lunch kind of girl.  I REALLY like going out to eat.  SO much.  I like restaurant Diet Coke.  I really like chatting about the meaning of life (or perhaps gossiping) with my girlfriends while some lovely person attends to my addiction needs.  It’s lovely.  But alas…it’s also spendy.

Today I had very little time between meetings so I decided this would be Day One of my eating in the office from time to time.  I heated up some soup, cracked open a sleeve of crackers, got a can of Diet Coke, and I there I was.  At my desk.  With lunch.

To be honest, it left a lot to be desired.  I had thought of some things I could look-up while eating that would be entertaining.  First on my list was the state lottery site.  It’s possible that I’m a millionaire as I type this but I haven’t checked, so I thought it would be a good idea to check my numbers over lunch.  Turns out that site is blocked.  “Gambling.”  Hmm.  I then tried to log into my personal email account.  The new one.  Again, I was unsuccessful, my browser is too old to access iCloud.  Son of a.  Finally I decided to give up and just read “the news.”  Apparently my browser is SO old that looking at Perez made me feel like I was having a seizure.  Argh!

I got to the business of just eating my lunch since clearly my ideas for lunchtime entertainment were not going to work.  I got close to the bottom of my bowl of soup when I realized that…umm…I probably shouldn’t drink the remaining bits of my soup from the bowl.  Sh-t!  Do you know how long it takes to get every last bite of soup from the bottom of a large bowl with a small spoon?  Like…forever.  I debated…

‘Will anyone even see me?’
‘It’s not like there is nonstop traffic past my office door.’
‘If history is any indication…someone will most definitely see me.’

Because my office could double as a meat locker my soup was cold before I was even close to finished with it.  The can of Diet Coke?  A little flat.  The sleeve of crackers?  It took every ounce of will I could muster not to eat the entire thing.  Go team.

I finished lunch and I was off to a meeting at the Mall of America where we were looking at space for an upcoming event.  I was not aware that during said meeting, there would be a tasting, to determine the menu.  Had I known I likely would have foregone lunch at my desk.  Have you BEEN to a tasting session?  Every single thing we tried was a teensy sample or portion…but the options kept coming.  And coming.  And coming. By the end of it I was painfully full.  What with having eaten lunch an hour prior to taste testing hors d’oeuvres, and entrées, and desserts.  What an idiot.

I waddled to my car, made my way to pick up the little girls, and got home.  I was so full I was uncomfortable.  It was warm tonight.  Warm and sunny.  I could tell Sullivan was itching to go for a run but I didn’t want to.  I wasn’t sure I could even physically do it considering I’d just eaten nearly eight meals in one.

But I thought about it.  And I thought about my arteries.  And I decided to do it.  And it was horrible.  But damn it…I did it.

I got home and after the little girls were in bed my husband and I enjoyed a quiet evening.  Quiet enough that I realized that my eye, which had been itching all day, was really really itching now.  One look in the mirror gave me reason to believe that this adult…this adult here…has pink eye.


I don’t know if adulthood is all it’s cracked up to be.

TODAY:  What if acting like an adult just means making one more sound decision now and then?

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