MAMACADABRA

Easter.  A time of renewal.  Rebirth.  New beginnings.  Candy.

I’m going to be honest.  I need all of these things.  Like…right now.  I’ve been doing a bunch of whining.  Whine, whine, whine.  I’m a teensy bit tired of my own voice.  It’s just…we started 2012 having accomplished the impossible.  We went from daily discussions of divorce to it being out of the question.  We went from a really icky place of negativity and anger to constant laughter, and for the most part joy, in our household.  2011 was a magnificent year for our marriage, our family, and our careers.  We came into 2012 feeling like nothing could keep us down.  We were ready to take it by storm.

We hit some roadblocks early on.  Our tax situation was a blow.  More than that, how we reacted to the tax situation AND to each other’s reactions to the tax situation, was a blow in and of itself.  We thought we had gotten past some things that, as it turns out, we haven’t necessarily gotten past.

Our little girls have needed so much more of us this winter/spring.  It’s had me terribly worried.  I want so badly for them to feel safe and secure and content and happy every single day and in every environment in which they find themselves.  But I can’t control that.  I can’t control what happens when they aren’t in our sight.  And I find that completely frustrating and maddening.

And then there was the possible opportunity to have a new beginning in an organization for which I used to work.  I was so excited, and so invested, and so totally devastated when it didn’t happen.

And then this week what I thought might be pink eye turned into possible shingles…IN MY EYE and I had an unfortunate run-in with a hooker of a nurse who a) suggested I was post-menopausal by asking if I “still got” my period (for Christ’s sake…I’m 36!!!  Do I really LOOK like I’m old enough to be post-menopausal???), b) lost her sh-t when she took my pulse and it was very low (causing me to start texting goodbye messages to those I love), and c) ran from the room when I asked what that low of a heart rate could actually mean.  I feel like, perhaps, those in the medical profession should perfect a poker face to mask their horror when they fear something is really wrong.  Turns out I’m fine…other than being scarred for life by that nurse.

Needless to say, it.  Is.  Time.  For renewal, and rebirth, and new beginnings, and yes maybe even a little candy.

I was emailing with my girlfriends this morning…the ones with whom I’m planning to do all of these upcoming runs.  There was a string of emails questioning if we actually CAN do the runs for which we’ve signed-up.  I emailed them back that earlier this week I’d been whining to Cousin A and she told me that she doesn’t allow her four year-old daughter to say “can’t” and she isn’t willing to accept it from me either.  Well okay then.

So I’m deciding right here and now that I’m going to do my own version of rising from the dead and I’m going to turn this ship around.  Yes, yes, this year hasn’t turned out as expected THUS FAR but for crying out loud, there are nine months left.  A whole lot of incredible can happen in nine months.

I’ve read blogs that have taken a turn for the negative.  I go to them each day and/or week out of loyalty but leave their sites feeling like they are such downers and wondering how long I can continue to read them.  They’re depressing.  And who really feels like they’ve got extra time and energy to read daily reminders of how depressing our world can be?!  So, if this has been that for you, I apologize.  I will do better.  I promise.

Yesterday something remarkable happened.  Well, okay, as far as I am concerned it’s remarkable.  I reached 10,000 visits to this site.  I mean…that’s so ridiculous I don’t even know what to do with that information.  Well, okay, I *may* have taken a picture of the stats screen.  It seemed like a big moment in the history of this blog…right?  For this I owe you a million thanks.  Thank you for continuing to come here even though it hasn’t been so funny or uplifting lately.

I woke up this morning feeling like this is going to be a really GOOD Friday indeed, and an even better weekend, and I can’t wait to see what is coming around the bend because I feel like it’s going to really.  Really.  Good.  Not to mention, my little girls in Easter dresses might be the cutest things ever.

TODAY:  What if I stop my b-tching and moaning and get to the business of making good things happen?  #sayingitoutloudmakesitso!!!