What. I. Wanted. To. Hear.

“You can quit your job on Monday because tonight’s lottery jackpot is YOURS baby!!!”

Warning…if you don’t “believe” in psychics or any of that noise you’ll be wholly irritated by this post and I’d recommend you come back tomorrow. Sorry!

You know what I hate? I hate when you go to a psychic, ready to get some good old-fashioned enlightenment, and you find out that you…YOU…have some sh-t you need to figure out on your own. Don’t you HATE that? God damn it. I am much more interested in being right, doing what I think is right, and going on my merry way thank you very much. So when the cards were laid out on the table(not figurative cards…I mean tarot cards) and the psychic said with a grimace “hmmmm…” it’s not exactly what I was hoping for.

Now, to be clear, some of it was great. I mean really really over the top exciting and great. I’m going to keep some of that stuff to myself for now to see how it plays out. But some of it was not so great. The first thing she “saw” was career related. You think? Yes, it’s not the place for me. Yes, I need to go elsewhere. Yes, I’m not doing the right thing for me. But…and this is a big fat unfortunate but…there is a life lesson for me to learn at this particular place that I’ve not yet learned. If I don’t learn it, I won’t be happy at the next place, and likely won’t be given an offer to join another organization in the first place. So while she thinks I need to go, and soon, I also need to get down to business of figuring out the life lesson.

Apparently there is no “Figuring Out and Learning Life Lessons for Dummies” books. Meaning I have to do the work of figuring out WHAT the life lesson is and then I have to actually LEARN it. Now come on! That is NOT what I was hoping to hear.

We went through several rounds of her laying out cards and talking about what they mean. Then, I had the opportunity to inquire about certain things, and she would lay down the cards to get some answers. I had to ask about my running. Here’s the thing…I LOVE running. I am signed up for several runs coming up. I have GREAT running partners. Lately I have not been loving anything about running other than the number of calories it burns. It hurts. I am doing all of the stretches I’m supposed to be doing. I have newer shoes. I’m taking it slow and trying to build up again. And it is not getting any better. Not ANY better. I sleep with ice packs most nights to make my hip/lower back feel better. So I had to ask.

Chalk this up to yet another thing I did NOT want to hear. It’s not time for me to be running. She said she thinks I am “burning off emotions that I’m supposed to be working through.” Wait…what? She recommended that, for a while at least, I work out in a gentler way. Oh my God. Do you know how long it will take me to burn off calories if I do something less vigorous? Do you??? We’re talking swimming and walking and yoga oh my! I’m less than pleased. But as the day wore on yesterday and today (after a Girls Night Out in VERY tall heels) my hip and back are so sore. And I can’t tell you how tired I am of this effing ongoing pain. I’m not sure what that means for my upcoming runs (So. Sad.) but I’m going to try to be gentler to my body this week and see how it responds. Stupid 36 years. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

And then, to add a teensy bit of insult to emotional injury, she mentioned a couple of things I hadn’t thought about in years. Things that I thought were solidly stored away in my past that apparently I need to do a little more work on.

Oh bother.

I left the session feeling good but as the day wore on I felt really bothered. What the EFF am I supposed to do with all of this information?! As Eh said as we were driving to Girls Night Out, she left me with a lot of loose ends. But, the genius that Eh is, she also said something like maybe the doors just needed to be opened in my mind to THINK about these things and that everything will work itself out. Huh. Okay. Well I can work with that.

Today I woke up feeling a new sense of commitment to my job. You guys…I do not want to find a fabulous new opportunity and then get there and experience the same disappointment. If there is a life lesson to be learned you can bet your a-s I am going to try to learn it and learn it good. Tomorrow when I head back to the office I am going to do my job the best way I know how. I’m going to put my nose to the grindstone and be the best damn employee I can be in this place with these colleagues. And I am going to hope against hope that the life lesson will come to me. Soon.

But. Can I just say? The good things she talked about? If they come true…and I’m quite certain at least a couple of them will…holy hell are we in for some amazing things ahead. Like…AMAZING.

TODAY: What if I sometimes have to put faith in things that I don’t quite understand? What if there are things in my life that I’ve not worked all the way through (Jesus…you’d think with all of the therapy and over-communicating I’d beaten every issue/life challenge to death…but apparently not???) that just need a bit more thought and introspection?

3 thoughts on “What. I. Wanted. To. Hear.

  1. I went to church yesterday (and did not set the building on fire, thank you very much) and the topic was finding out purpose. The pastor said ask yourself 3 questions…1) what is your passion 2) what is your gift and 3) what is your burden. So he gave an example of this group of men who had a passion and gift for fishing. Their burden was young people who never get the opportunity to do so. They started an organziation, I can’t remember the name of it, where they take underprivleged kids who would never get the opportunity, out on the boat to teach them how to fish. Just thought I would share that to hopefully get the wheels turning.

  2. Hmmm…on psychics and the “amazing” things…perhaps this is not so much as “seeing” your future as affirming what you already know to be true: If you believe it will happen (those amazing things) and focus on that belief; it will indeed come to pass. As related to career: If you know you aren’t quite done even though you wish you were all the way through…this will focus (and seems already to have) you on finding the definitive “end” there and allow you to move on with a clean slate and no dangling “what ifs”…

    1. Agreed. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already “know” per se. But it’s always great to hear from someone who doesn’t know me and my life. And as I’ve worked this crazy day, and let me be clear…it has been crazy, I’ve tied up a lot of “what ifs” that were swirling in my brain. I’m not saying the work is done but I am feeling much better about my resolve.

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