You know what I’m really good at? I’m really good at scrambling and making things right, if not amazing, AFTER they have been screwed up. No, seriously it’s a skill. I swear it is. I can do a remarkable job of turning things around both when I’ve had nothing to do with the actual f-cking up AND when the f-cking up is all my doing.
This evening my husband and I discovered, thanks to a client, that the website for my husband’s small business was down. I was on the phone with the company that hosts our site within seconds of finding out, ready to raise holy hell. Turns out…ahem…that a) the card we use to pay for our web services had expired and we’d neglected to call with new card information, b) we would have been aware of this if we’d updated our contact info so they weren’t using an email that is several email addresses old, and c) the site had been down for weeks. WEEKS.
I was on the phone with them for a good half hour before the site was restored and our information was updated. Prior to this, I had been searching our house high and low for information we needed for an upcoming event. Something I should have had filed somewhere logical. Something that took hours to piece together so we knew what was coming up. On a rare Monday night when we don’t have the little girls, when we could have gotten several things done and checked off of our lists, we’ve wasted HOURS scrambling to figure things out that should have been taken care of.
There have been times when I’ve wondered if subconsciously I screw things up just to see if I can successfully turn things around. I’m always able to do so. There has never been an instance in which I f-cked things up so horribly that I couldn’t fix it (which makes my debilitating fear of failure even more puzzling). But what is the deal?! Why can’t I do a better job at everything in the first place so there is no need to fix things and make things right? Why can’t I make things happen before they get screwed up???
I know as a working mom who takes on more than she should it’s hard to balance it all. We moms are a remarkable bunch, don’t you think? The amount of information swirling in our minds at all times would likely make our husbands’ heads explode. No offense…but I’d venture to guess it’s true in most cases. We (I) are simultaneously thinking about what homework is due for our children, what groceries we forgot when last at the store, the upcoming vet appointments for our pets, why liposuction isn’t covered by insurance, and how to help our partners achieve their goals. Among other things. It’s seriously a miracle that any of us are a) sane, b) successful at anything, c) able to get through each day without hurting people, and d) somehow able to keep most of it together.
What’s interesting is that when I’m busy? When I’m REALLY trying to keep moving and get things done and do a great job? THAT is when I’m better at keeping it all together. When I have a little time (like a rare Monday night with no little girls and no plans?) I mess sh-t up. It bums me out because I wonder to myself ‘is there no way to just relax a bit and not be “on” all the time and not be moving at the speed of light ALL THE TIME?!’
So the question is…how can I avoid this happening? How can I be better at everything? I’m pretty sure a personal assistant and a weekly massage would go a long way in helping me be better at everything. In absence of that, however, I think I’m going to have to try to be more organized. I currently have a daily planner and three, count them…THREE, active calendars on my iPhone. Without all of which I’d be completely lost. Maybe I need to write down every single thing that crosses my mind to do?
I don’t know…a personal assistant and a massage each week is sounding better and better. And maybe add in many more glasses of wine. That sounds like a recipe for success.
TODAY: What if I make an effort to be more organized so I’m not scrambling to fix mistakes? What if instead of being SO good at fixing and putting it together I focus on being SO good at getting it right the first time?