What. I. Can. Do.

I’ve had the most bizarre day.  I got up feeling ready to take-on the world.  And today, lucky for me, that meant heading to my annual doctor’s appointment, followed by a massage, an afternoon of work, and a productive evening.  That was how it was supposed to go.  How it actually went is quite different.

After my doctor’s appointment I ran down to the lab to get annual blood work done.  The lab was busier than usual and when I asked approximate wait-time I was told it’d be a half hour.  I had been fasting since 8pm last night, and had scheduled my massage with plenty of time to grab breakfast between the doc and the massage, so the wait was no problem.  As I sat in the lab waiting room, however, it became clear that it was a BIG problem for everyone else.

The first horribly behaved women unleashed holy hell on the admin staff because it was going so slow.  Because, obviously, they could control how many people showed up today.  This woman made it very clear that she did NOT have the time to wait, and WHY were people who showed up after her being let in before her (because they had appointments), and didn’t they understand people couldn’t just sit around and WAIT this long???

The second b-tched at her husband the entire time she was waiting, loud enough for everyone in the large waiting room to hear, about how she could and should be doing so many other things if she weren’t wasting time waiting.

The third paced, complained, shook his head, paced some more, spoke loudly to others waiting about how frustrated he was, and so on.

Let me take a second here to ask a question.  Does anybody who goes to the doctor actually believe they will get in and out in a reasonable amount of time?  Just wondering.

After I got out of the lab I rushed to my chiropractor’s office for my massage (with no breakfast).  While waiting for my massage therapist to come out, the head of the clinic came out and told me she’d seen my MRI.  My chiropractor is on a cruise for two weeks so I’ve been anxious to hear the results.  The woman said “it looks pretty bad, herniated discs, but make an appointment with me next week and we can go over it.”  It’s here that the day started really going south.  “I’m sorry?  Herniated discs?  Plural?” I asked in an attempt to clarify what she’d just mumbled prior to the appointment pitch.  “Make an appointment with me next week and we can go over treatment.”  Now…here I am sitting in the waiting room for a good five minutes…I’ve gone to this clinic for YEARS.  Spent THOUSANDS of dollars on adjustments, PT, and massages over those years.  I cleared my throat and again asked, “so again…did you say herniated discs?”  And she started walking away and said “let’s talk next week.”  The anger that rose in me almost caused me to walk right out of that clinic never to darken the door again, but my masseuse came out just then, and I didn’t feel like it would be fair to leave her without an appointment that she could have filled with another patient.

The massage was anything but relaxing.  My phone kept buzzing, my head was spinning with anger and with thoughts of ‘seriously?!  Is it possible that the reason for nearly a year of pain is in the illusive MRI results?!  And SERIOUSLY?!  IS SHE NOT GOING TO TELL ME THE DETAILS UNLESS I SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT FOR WHICH I’LL HAVE TO SHELL OUT MORE MONEY???”

A side note (an important one)…I’m absolutely not making any generalizations about chiropractors.  Mine is amazing.  My grandpa and great grandpa were both chiropractors.  So please know…my anger lies solely with this particular woman.

Half-way through I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could leave.  When I was finally checking-out and took my phone out I had ten missed calls and several missed text messages.  From my mom.  About my uncle who fell last week.  Sh-t.  I called her the moment I was outside and she said she was on her way out-of-state to be with my aunt because things were looking a little more dire than they were before.  Crushing information to hear.

I drove home feeling so sad.  Frustrated with people.  Angry with the woman with whom I’d just dealt.  Uncertain about what the info I’d learned about my herniated disc(s) means.  And at a loss for what to do with myself.  As the day progressed my feelings of helplessness increased as I learned about another friend who is experiencing health issues after having just had a baby.

Sometimes doesn’t it just feel like we, as a collective, can’t catch a break???

Yes.  Yes it does.  But I for one am not going to play into that.  Not today.  Because there ARE things I CAN do.

I got home and immediately had my MRI results sent to my MD who, this morning, told me she wanted me to see someone in orthopedics ASAP.  I then scheduled an appointment with them.  And furthermore, I then drafted an email to my fabulous chiropractor explaining that I didn’t think I’d be able to see her in her current clinic anymore.

And then I started listing people to whom I owe thanks, hellos, check-ins, and notes just to say I’m thinking about them.  Life is too precious for those I love to go through their days not knowing exactly how I feel about them.  There is no reason I shouldn’t be telling the people I love a million times over how much they mean to me.

And then I started sending good thoughts and vibes out into the universe for those I know and love who are struggling with their health.

And then I got sad that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to hug my little girls this weekend.  But I am more resolved than ever to raise them in a manner that will ensure they will not grow up to be the kind of people who b-tch at admin staff (who have no control over the situation) when they are frustrated, or act in their own best interest when it affects people with whom they interact negatively (so sorry your back has hurt for a year…and yes I’m a doctor who is supposed to value your well being…and for just $85 I’m happy to give you your MRI results…but otherwise you’re S.O.L.), or allow their loved ones to go through life not knowing how they feel about them.

TODAY:  What if I do what I can do to make situations better instead of wallowing?  Even when all I can do is stand up for myself, treat those I love with care and kindness, and raise my little girls to do the same.


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