Orange. Polyester. And. Blue. Hair.

This morning when I walked into my office I was immediately thrown into a fast and furious project.  It was a welcome distraction from what’s been distracting me all weekend.  My team, given another enormous project with tight time constraints, was involved in a large data uploading that had to be complete by EOB today.  I spent the morning hours feverishly calculating columns, deleting erroneous information, and making sure our team was all doing it correctly.  We’re getting so used to these crazy data projects that we were finished before lunch time.  I was almost disappointed because, to be honest, I don’t have it in me today to be a go getter.  Or to be highly productive.  I kind of just wanted to sit in my office and be quiet.  But…for someone like me…after a couple minutes that results in complete and utter boredom.

Last week I mentioned that my mom and I are starting a “weight loss adventure.”  We had planned to start last Friday night but my mom ended up rushing out-of-town to be with my aunt and uncle and we had to put our plans on hold for the weekend.  Our adventure was to begin at 5:30 tonight.  This afternoon I started daydreaming about the clothes I could wear four months from now.  I have a bunch of really cute clothes that are too tight for me now.  I’m so excited to finish off the summer in dresses that I LOVE and haven’t been able to wear for a while.

Then I started thinking about fall.  I love fall fashion.  I love sweaters and jeans and boots and leggings and fall coats and hats.  And then I had a horrifying thought.  I immediately emailed Cousin A…

I just realized I have very few clothes left from when I was last at the weight I plan to be again in the fall.  Which means I will have to shop for a new wardrobe.  Which is fine but I then realized that a) I don’t buy magazines anymore, b) I don’t read Perez anymore, c) I don’t watch much TV anymore, and thus d) I probably have no idea what is actually “in style.”  And admitting that makes me feel like I should be wearing orange polyester and have blue hair.

To which Cousin A replied…

Welcome to the party!  I read home magazines.  I’m a loser.

And then we proceeded to discuss home design magazines.  Obviously.

But the fact still stands.  How the eff did this happen?  It feels like just last week I was reading Perez and skimming the photos on People several times a day.  If not for my frantic forray into my old online haunts this afternoon, I wouldn’t be able to remember the last time I’d looked at them.  I looked at Elle, Vogue, and New York Times Fashion and only found runway styles.  Sh-t.  This is not going to help a girl (listen…I can still call myself a “girl” if I so choose) with fall fashion in Minnesota.  I thought I had the solution when I went to the trusty celebrity photo section of  But apparently the MTV Movie Awards were on last night (who knew?!), so all I saw was red carpet looks which again, this girl can’t pull off when it’s 50 degrees in downtown Minneapolis on a random Monday afternoon.

How did I go from being completely knowledgeable in current events (by which I obviously mean celebrity news and fashion…what Cousin A and I call “The News”) to literally knowing nothing?  No seriously.  I’m asking the question because it is freaking me the f-ck out.

As my mom and I finished up our registration for the weight loss adventure this evening, and they took my “before picture” (oh yeah…you thought I meant weight loss adventure generally speaking…oh no my friends…this is serious business), I quietly wondered what I’d be wearing when we take my “after picture” in September.  Considering I apparently don’t even know what they are selling in stores these days.

Damn kids and their fashion (shaking fists at sky).

Oh my God…I could literally age 45 years in a matter of an afternoon if I allowed myself to.  And thus…it’s time to take action and buy some frigging magazines.  STAT.

TODAY:  What if in an effort to…oh I don’t know…stay sane, keep everything together, work full-time, be a mom, be a wife, and deal with the ridiculousness of my day-to-day life I let things go that once meant a lot to me?  What if there is a fine balance to be struck in an effort to stay informed and stylish but not let it consume me?  I am not going to dress like a soccer mom…I am not going to dress like a soccer mom…I am not going to dress like a soccer mom…I am NOT going to dress like a soccer mom!!!!!

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