MAMACADABRA

Inspiration has alluded me lately.  It’s been a challenging summer.  Not bad, per se, but a roller coaster of emotions surrounding the health of my family, my pain issues, decisions I’ve made about what I really want to do with myself, etc.  There’s been so much, and it’s all felt so big, that at the end of the day I’ve felt no inspiration to write.

In addition to a lack of inspiration, I’ve started to allow self-doubt (who doesn’t love a little self-doubt?!) to creep in, and I’ve wondered who wants to read my silly words anyway?  I’m not as funny as I used to be, I have no ground-breaking revelations, and certainly there are people who are better bloggers than I.  I’m sure people want to read things of quality and things that make them laugh.  Plus, I’m really just feeling sorry for myself, and who wants to hear about that?  Hell, I don’t even want to hear about that.  So why even bother writing?  Why.  Bother.

The other day I was at work and I received an email from a friend of a friend.  She told me she was catching up on my blog and had found a post that really hit home for her.  She felt like finally someone else got it.  And she read the post at exactly the time in her life that she needed to.  Turns out her email came to me at the exact time I needed it.

I clicked on the post to which she was referring.  It talked about my tendency to hold back when I think it makes things easier.  Doesn’t holding back always sound like it will make things easier and then you find it’s nearly impossible, and it’s smothering, and it kills you a little bit each day?  Yes…well let me tell you something…the night before this I was at home thinking ‘who do I think I am taking all of this on?!  Who do I think I am taking this intensive LSAT course?!  I am a mother for crying out loud.  And a wife.  And an employee.  I don’t have time for this.  Maybe this isn’t a good idea.  Can I still get a refund?’

Not only was the email important for me to see…but the post she was talking about was equally important for me to see.  Both reminders of what I’m capable of, what I should be focusing on, and where I need to be headed.

Yesterday I was working from home and having one of those moments in which I felt overwhelmed and tired and busy and I didn’t want to feel any of those things.  I want to have fun and be happy.  I want to be laughing.  Right around this time I received ANOTHER email, this time from a friend who was also catching up on my blog posts, and said she was reading the one about camping and that she was giggling hard.

Someone said to me yesterday that once you make a decision the universe aligns and makes it happen.  I made the decision in January to write each day (ahem…yes I’m aware it hasn’t been every day this summer), to study my a-s off for the LSAT (and yes…I haven’t exactly started to do that yet either), and to at the same time continue to be a great mom and wife.  This week, when self-doubt threatened to stop me dead in my tracks, emails from fabulous women appeared.  Reminders of past posts appeared that helped me understand that what I’ve set out to do is so important.  As one of the women said in her message, “I love when something pops up in my day that must have been sent from an angel.”  Amen.  I do too!

Here’s to finding the perfect thing to inspire us, keep us moving in the right direction, and to stop us from getting stuck!

TODAY:  What if I do a better job of remembering that holding back is in fact HARDER that unleashing my potential?  What if I remain focused on the things about which I’m passionate (i.e. writing and going to law school) and continue to just do the work day in and day out?  And what if I kindly show self-doubt the door?

PS – To the two ladies who sent me emails this week…you know who you are…thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I absolutely NEEDED both messages.