It was one of those moments of epic failure. I was hurrying to finish-up my hair and get out of the house when my littlest little girl came out of her room with a defeated look on her face and a plastic baggy with her tooth in her hand. “She didn’t come” she said dejectedly. “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come!” “What?!” I exclaimed with indignation while my mind swirled, trying to recall what we’d actually even done last night that would have prevented us from remembering this oh-so-important task. “Oh my goodness…what in the world?!” I asked. I had to leave so I kissed my little girls and husband, got into my car, and sat for a second feeling like the worst. Mom. Ever.
Last night our oldest little girl had a water slide party to attend, our littlest little girl had a friend over, I had a workshop in which in had to participate, and my husband was picking girls up, dropping girls off, and making dinner. I remember thinking several times that I had to get cash to put under her pillow. Could not forget. Had to do it. Well, we know how this ends. I forgot.
I was half-way to my morning meeting across town when my husband called.
Husband: Epic fail.
Me: How did we forget?!
Husband: Well, the Tooth Fairy was delayed due to rain. It’s been storming the past two nights you know.
Me: That’s what you told her?
Me: Yeah…rain…the Tooth Fairy can’t fly in the rain. Her wings are far too delicate. She’d never make it.
Unfortunately, when you share your children with another family, your epic failures as parents don’t get to be between you and your kids. And when you forget to switch out money for a tooth, and the next day they return to their other parents, you have to give them a heads up. “Yes, sorry, we suck as parents and forgot…now it’s on you.” Not fun.
Anyway, I got off the phone with my husband and still had quite a drive ahead of me. For some reason the visual of a small fairy making her way through thunder and lightning, unable to make children happy with her gifts of cash, made me think about how I view myself and my world.
Big picture I have a really positive outlook of my world, where I fit into it, and my potential to do great things in my lifetime. But day-to-day, certainly lately, I’ve felt pretty down about things. I’m not enjoying my work, there’s never enough time to get to everything, there’s never an abundance of money (too bad I don’t lose teeth anymore!), it never feels like we get enough time with our girls, my husband and I haven’t made an effort to do date nights often enough, we have a sick puppy, and it all just feels like…meh.
I’ve told you that I’m a firm believer in The Secret. And I know, deep down, that the more I lament about the bad stuff…the more bad stuff there will be to lament about. But this year it’s felt like one thing after another, and I haven’t been good about picturing what I want and who I want to be, but I’ve been really good at thinking about all the sh-t that’s been going on.
I started to think that logically…because obviously all thoughts of the Tooth Fairy are firmly grounded in logic…I’m just like her. I will never shine, or do great things, or be all I can be, if I am surrounded by the sounds of my thunderous self-doubt, self-pity, or a downpour of negativity. I can’t fly in the face of all of that BS…unless I change my tune.
I know all of this already, however, and for some reason I continue to forget it. Life gets in the way, or challenges start to mount, or something. What can I do to remind myself to stay on-track and keep things positive in my mind? How can I stop thinking about how tired I am all the time and start thinking about how happy I am to be alive? How blessed I am? How there always seems to be the perfect amount of time for everything? And how there just happens to be the perfect amount of money for everything?
We don’t get our little girls back until Monday. I’m going to assign myself homework and try to catch myself, when lamenting about what there isn’t enough of, and I’m going to switch my thinking. I really would like to fly so it’s high-time I get rid of this internal rain!
TODAY: What if, like the Tooth Fairy, I will never be able to “fly” when my thoughts are full of rain? What if I work hard over the next several days to switch my thinking so I can start to feel capable of great thing again?