MAMACADABRA

Yesterday I was home sick and when I woke up this morning I felt less than stellar.  Less than awake, less than well, less than enthusiastic about lifting my tired bones from the comforts of my bed.  So I did what any self-respecting, overly tired, and possibly still-sick girl would do…I dressed to the nines.  Ain’t nothin’ gonna make the day take heed like a red dress and six inch BCBG heels.  You know it’s true.

I got to the office, started kicking the day’s a-s, and was crazy productive.  I planned out my week, felt innovative and bitchin’, and I had a genius idea.  It had been awhile since I’d spoken to anyone at my husband’s company about ways in which our organizations might be able to partner.  What could be better than enjoying lunch, pumping him for info, and sitting outside with my handsome husband on a hot and sunny August day?

It was a nice, relaxing, and productive lunch.  I hopped back into my car and headed for the office feeling more than awake, more than well, and enthusiastic to get going with the a-s kicking I was handing this day.

My office is on the third floor of our building.  One half of our floor is corporate (where I sit) and the other is service-based.  As the elevator opened to my floor I passed a guy pushing a cart of supplies he’d taken from the services side of my floor.  As we passed each other, I felt instant recognition, and realized exactly who the guy was.  I turned around as I exclaimed “JOHN?!  DOE?!”  As I did I saw a big grin on his flushed face…it was a look that screamed “DAMN GIRL!!!”  And it was priceless.

We hadn’t seen each other in years.  We talked about our jobs, our families, an upcoming reunion, with whom we still spend time, and more.  I gave him a big hug, told him it was really good to see him, and I proceeded to my office.  And it.  Felt.  Amazing.

So here’s the thing.  I’ve had two reunions thus far.  The first one…the ten year?  It was one of the best times I’ve had.  I was still big, was on my way to losing my 100 lbs, and I was insecure about it but I felt okay.  I saw people I adored.  I saw people I didn’t and enjoyed their company anyway.  And…fine…yes there was a lot of drinking involved and breakfast the next morning may or may not have been White Castle.  The second one?  The fifteen?  That one was tricky.  It was the summer before my wedding, we’d just lost a family member, and I was in such a bad place in my life.  I looked great but felt insecure, freaked out, and didn’t know how to reconcile the real me that my high school classmates knew and the crazy me I found myself to be in my life at that point.

Of course I immediately emailed my girlfriends to tell them who I’d run into, but then I sat with it for a bit, and I noticed something.  You know how you go through your life, and live with your own insecurities, and feel down about where you are in certain aspects of your life, and then you have an experience that offers you a reflection of yourself?  But it’s a different reflection than the one you’ve been seeing in the mirror?  That is what this was like for me.  I walked away from that interaction feeling successful, beautiful, and like I’ve got it going on, Baby.  Because that is exactly what I saw in the eyes and facial expressions of the kid I ran into.  A kid whose known me since I was 12 thank you very much.

You think this day was getting its a-s handed to it before?  There is nothing like the power of a woman when she feels successful, beautiful, and like she’s got it going on.  The real secret is figuring out how to make myself feel that way, even when I’m feeling bogged down by life.  If I could inspire a smidgen of that myself just think of how much more productive and successful I’d be.

I guess it’s red dresses and six inch heels all around?  I kid.  Plus my chiropractor would likely put a hit out on my a-s.  It does, however, make me think that on the days I’m just “too tired” to get gussied up for work I do myself an incredible disservice.  Because, theoretically, my dressing up today attracted more good stuff and more feelings of kick a-sdom into my world.  Right?

TODAY:  What if dressing to feel successful brings more feelings of success speeding my way?  What if I bottle up those feelings of success and beauty to spur me to do greater things?

PS – Can we talk for a second about the aforementioned high school reunion?  It’s an All School Reunion, and I’d not planned on going, but Eh says we’re going.  So we’re going.  And that, my friends, is freaking me out just a little.  Juuuuuust.  A.  Little.