Last year, around this time, I decided to try to do little things each day to improve my life and to document it in a blog. I started The Year of What If and found a serious love for writing. 2011 had been a banner year. One in which my marriage felt solid for the first time, our jobs were good, and we were finally feeling financially comfortable. Like real-live adults. I jumped into The Year of What If with joy and excitement. I wrote posts every day, I gained followers, people started commenting, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
Things got tricky as the year progressed and we had some bumps in the road. There were days in which I couldn’t for the life of me think of a “what if” about which to write. I felt crabby. And sometimes the writing felt like a chore instead of one of my favorite things to do as it had earlier in the year. I struggled with whether I should change the scope of the blog mid-year or stick it out until the end.
As summer wound down and fall was just around the corner I was so miserable at work. My Sundays were spent dreading the next day (what a waste of a weekend!). I would leave each day and drive away as fast as I could trying to shake the day from my mind and soul. And I started an aggressive job search.
Here’s the thing…you can’t write about how unhappy you are at work in a public forum without running the risk of losing that work. I was not about to put my family’s livelihood in jeopardy just so I could continue to write every day. So as the days and weeks went by, and my biggest struggle was work, I found that I didn’t have much else to say. I stopped thinking about writing, and the joy that writing brings me started to fade into something that WAS…past tense.
Okay, so here’s what happened. I was offered some jobs, but for one reason or another, they just didn’t work. And then, due to unexpected circumstances, a position opened up in my family’s business that was a perfect fit for me. The timing was eerie.
In addition to not writing much this past fall, I didn’t read much. Not books and not blogs. As I’ve eased back into writing I’ve started to catch up on what some of my favorite bloggers are saying. Many of them have chosen a word for 2013. Something to aspire to. Something to help inform their choices. Something to inspire them. Initially, as I read post after post, I thought ‘yeah, yeah, word of the year, whatever.’ But the idea stuck with me. And over the past several days I’ve found myself thinking of words, pouring over my thesaurus, and trying to come up with something fitting. Something I could commit to for a year.
I’ve also, as you know, started to write again in the past few days. Let me be perfectly clear here…umm…writing after not having done so regularly? It blows. I re-read my posts and cringe. I peak at my numbers and feel embarrassed. I have bouts of self-doubt and think that my “success” with writing last year was just a fluke. And I almost convince myself that I should quit while I’m ahead.
But…but…I don’t wanna.
enchantment
- a spoken word or set of words believed to have magic power (this could pertain to writing, could it not?)
- the power of irresistible attraction (umm…have you met me???)
- the power to control natural forces through supernatural means (wait…do you mean making magic happen?)
Last fall, I wrote this. It was then that I thought of the name of my next blog. The one that I, at the time, expected to launch with fanfare and excitement on January 1st. Ahem. Mamacadabra, for me, says it all. As far as I’m concerned, we’re all magical simply because we do what we do and remain (relatively) sane. Not to mention, it references the fact that I became a mom instantly to toddlers five years ago. Poof! I was a mom!
While I haven’t yet “officially” launched my new blog, I will soon. And while I’m not so pleased with my writing right now, I will be soon. This is going to be a year of enchantment. That’s my word of the year.
I want my little girls to grow-up in a household where things feel magical and joyous. I want to enjoy work in a way I never have. I want to enjoy my husband’s company and all of the things we’re trying to accomplish in our lives with an air of wonder. And while I know that I will still be folding laundry in this year of enchantment, and I’ll still have to make the little girls practice their math and reading in this year of enchantment, and my husband will still make me crazy every once and awhile in this year of enchantment…what if all of it is overshadowed by joy and magic?
And wouldn’t getting back to writing, and loving it, make things even a little more lovely?
If I focus on making things magical, and attracting supernatural happiness, I have to believe I’ll feel at least a little enchanted. Right?
TODAY: What if enchantment is what I aspire for in 2013?
PS – I don’t mean enchantment in the Disney Princess sense. Although, there are some who might argue that I am a princess, but I’m not picturing myself with little birdies fluttering about my head while I do chores. Well…I am now…but that wasn’t my original intent.
MAMACADABRA 