MAMACADABRA

Last night I was watching the Super Bowl…well not really…it was on in the background and I paid attention when it sounded like someone had a touchdown or when commercials came on. But still…it was on. I happened to be paying attention when the Toyota Rav4 commercial came on. It ended with the song “I Wish” by Skee-Lo. Are you kidding me?! I had totally forgotten about that song. And I LOVED it back in high school.

You know you want to hear it… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4Kw3BxCy4.

Side note…the other day one of my colleagues came to my office in total awe. Someone else had shown him the Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch video for “Good Vibrations.” He COULD NOT BELIEVE that Mark Wahlberg had been a “rapper.” He, a spry 21-year-old, was astounded. I sighed and said “yeah…I remember listening to that on my Sony walkman as I waited for the bus to take me to high school.” Yeah…that didn’t make me feel old at all.

This one too… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eSN8Cwit_s.

Ahem.

I digress. I immediately went to iTunes to buy “I Wish” because…obviously. And I proceeded to listen to it 432 times before the night was over. Today, after listening to it another 84 times, I started thinking about it. As you surely know, it’s Girl Scout cookie time. If you haven’t yet bought any, just let me know, I’ve got plenty to go around. If you’re like me, however, you’ve likely not only bought but consumed bunches (and bunches) of cookies. So…my weight loss adventure? Since before Christmas I’ve been struggling. I am having a wicked hard time staying on course. Which, considering how close I am to being done, is totally ridiculous. But dang it…it’s been so damn cold…and lattes really do the trick when it’s cold. And having hundreds of boxes of cookies in my house is worse than Chinese water torture. There is just no winning right now.

After weeks (and weeks) of skipping out on my weight loss adventure I’d decided that today would be THE day to get my ass back in gear. I woke up late, too late to make myself breakfast, and in my mind it meant that today was shot. I loaded tons of cookies into my car to bring to work (I work with almost all men…they HAVE to buy lots of boxes, right?). Ran through Starbuck’s (have you had their breakfast sandwiches? I mean…forget about it.). I got to work, emailed my colleagues about the cookies, and I sat at my desk feeling satisfied that soon these stupid cookies would be out of my life. Until then, however, they were sitting in my office. And I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Tag-a-Longs? They actually cry out to you. Well…they talk to me…I can’t be certain that they speak to others. I am not able to deny them when they cry out “PLEASE EAT ME!!!”

So another day goes by when I am NOT eating healthfully. Son of a b-tch. I’ve been listening to Skee-Lo today and I’ve been reminded of something. It’s amazing how quickly we forget when we’re rushing through life at the speed of light, but we…you and I…WE have the power to shape our own lives. I know…it sounds logical and simple…but I also know I’m not the only one who finds herself thinking it’s the opposite.

On June 4th, 2012, I stopped drinking Diet Coke. I’ve talked about my addiction to Diet Coke here and there, but no joke, I was drinking between 40-90 ounces a day for years. YEARS. And then one day I just stopped. I haven’t had one since. Not one. The point is, I have actual proof that when I decide something I CAN in fact follow through. Meaning, I should be able to decide that enough is enough, and that it’s time to finish this effing weight loss adventure once and for all. Right?

Umm…so what’s the problem here?! If I, and only I, control how I live my life how is it that I feel so out of control much of the time? Out of control in terms of schedule, out of control in terms of diet, out of control in terms of our house projects…and yet…at the end of the day I’m the only one who CAN be in control of any of those things. I’m well aware that there are things over which I can’t have control…I know it but I don’t like it. But then why am I so hesitant to finally TAKE control of the things I’m able? Fear of failure? Fear of the unknown? A little of both? Hmm.

I could either a) continue to go through life singing “I Wish” about being a particular weight, or doing particular things, or being in control of the things I’m able, or b) just take control. End of story.

TODAY: What if I take control of my weight loss adventure (you Tag-a-Longs need to shut your chocolate peanut buttery mouths!) and get it over with already…after 37 years of trying? What if I get my sh-t together in the areas of my life that feel out of control and simply take control? What if saying “I wish” over the course of a lifetime gets me nowhere (except when I’m singing a ridiculously awesome 90s hip-hop song)? What if it’s just. Effing. Time.

PS – I DO in fact wish I were a little bit taller. And recently, after upping the amount of yoga I do, I’ve actually FELT taller. No lie. So even THAT can happen if you set your mind to it. I’m talking to you Eh.