Dis. En. Gage.

I don’t know what the deal is, but it seems like there is a lot of ugliness going around this week.  Have you noticed?  Whether it’s girlfriends dealing with awful ex-boyfriends, or families dealing with terrible drama in youth sports (seriously?), or the fact that gross people appear to be coming out of the woodwork, I get the sense that there must be some shift in the solar system or something.  Everyone seems to be engaged in a fight of some sort.

I for one?  I am putting my hands up.  I’ve had it.  I’m done.

Years ago, maybe even one year ago, I was under the impression that if you walked away from a fight you were missing an opportunity to make the other party see the light.  A chance to make them “get it.”  I’ve since learned that it just doesn’t work.  People don’t “get it” unless they do so on their own.  I don’t have any control over whether or not someone with whom I’m dealing will understand where I’m coming from.  But back then it seemed like surrender.  And this girl does not surrender.  No sir.

I was raised to stand up for myself and for the things I believe.  If there was one value my mom wanted to instill, that was it.  But here’s the thing.  Some people are crazy, and some are ignorant, and some are mean, and some are unkind, and a few are actually bad people.  And standing up for anything against any of these people gets me nowhere fast.  I mean…other than frustrated, and adrenaline rushed, and angry, and at a loss for how to proceed next.  All with a side of high blood pressure.  Before, I would just keep pushing.  Maybe if I sent one more email, or made one more point, maybe that would do the trick.  And yet?  It never did.

You guys…I am SO tired of drama.  I’m pretty sure that if I ever have a heart attack it will be due to drama that I did not invite in.  I’m telling you…there are particular people who can actually elevate my blood pressure and increase my heart rate with one email.  And I want nothing to do with it!  I want to raise my little girls, have a fabulous marriage, work on my little house, and enjoy enriching friendships.  I am not interested in fighting with people, or going back and forth about small issues, or defending myself for simply living.  It makes me tired!

Throwing up my hands is a sign of saving my sanity/mental health/happiness/relationships.  That is what I have learned over the past year.  If I walk away and decide not to bite when someone tries to engage me in a fight, if I say “thanks but no thanks” when people want to fire me up, if I say “apology accepted” even when no apology has been offered?  I win.  I don’t win the fight…I win in terms of being happy and sane and done with the drama.

Throwing up my hands is not a sign of being passive or weak.  On the contrary, it allows me to take control, and not allow the noise and the drama to impact my world.  That is SUPER powerful.  And the opposite of passive.  It’s intentionally protecting myself from conflict and ickiness (that’s a word, right?).

In addition, I’m committed to being more kind and less aggressive when I know darn well it’s not necessary or won’t improve matters.  Because at the end of the day the only person I really have to live with is myself.

So I’m making a suggestion.  I know, dear friend, that your ex-boyfriend is a cheating douchebag and you want everyone to know it.  I think in your heart you know that, for the most part, everyone does know.  He doesn’t need your help to look like an a-shole.  He IS an a-shole.  And to those struggling with the idiotic behavior of a grown woman that has affected your kids…I agree with you…it was immature and cruel and misguided and utterly ridiculous.  But think about it.  That poor broad has to lay in bed before she falls asleep and live with what she’s done.  And yes, I am really angry with some people right now for disrupting the peace we were enjoying.  It really bums me out and it’s taking A LOT of yoga to shake it off (conveniently that was part of my 90 day challenge…so I’ve got that going for me…which is nice).  But much to my chagrin…deep breath…I can’t control how other people were raised or how they behave.  I need to throw up my hands, turn around, and walk the other direction.  Towards happiness, calm, and peace.  Because this other direction, the one filled with anger, and anxiety, and high blood pressure?  Well it’s just for the birds.

TODAY:  This is a “what if” for all of us because I feel like many of us need it right now…what if we throw up our hands, turn on our heels, and walk away from the drama.  We aren’t getting paid to be on a soap opera people so I say we walk off-set.  Anyone with me on this?

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