I’m actually not sure of that…in fact…I’m not certain the sun, or summer for that matter, will ever be making an appearance in Minnesota again. So we have that going for us. Which is nice.
I woke up this morning, having just enjoyed a relaxing and lovely weekend with my husband, and I felt…off. I did not feel well rested, I did not feel as though I’d just had a lovely weekend, I did not feel happy. I felt tired, and anxious, and ill, and blue, and I did not want to get out of my jammies. I wanted to hop in my car (in jammies), grab Starbuck’s (in jammies), head back home (in jammies), and spend the day watching my new favorite PBS series…in jammies. I did the next best thing and made my way into the office in sweats and a hat. Because I can (every once in a while if I have no meetings…like today).
It didn’t get better. In fact, as the day wore on, the more off I felt. I received emails from friends and read too much into them…even though I knew I was doing it. I prepared for my oldest little girl’s last Girl Scout meeting of the year and wondered how I could get out of going. I looked at my calendar to figure out some future dates for meetings and/or family activities, and I couldn’t make sense of it. And it felt overwhelming. By the time I was on my way home, I was even irritated and upset about the book I’m currently listening to.
I got a little worried. I was feeling so blue and so off but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I’m a pretty self-aware broad, usually I can analyze my feelings/reactions/behavior until the cows come home, but today? Today I’m just inexplicably bummed out. I haven’t felt sad or off in a very long time. In fact, I’ve had a ridiculous run of happiness. I started feeling a little anxious about this off day I’m having. Why am I sad? What is going on with me?
There wasn’t much time to lament. I had to grab the little girls, drop one at a friends, and bring the other to Girl Scouts. When we got home tonight I called my girlfriend Ess. And as I started talking out loud it became a little more clear.
A for one, I just don’t feel well. B for two, we haven’t had the girls for the past two weekends in a row and don’t again this upcoming weekend. It’s just how the schedules have panned out with the holiday weekend. We have them tonight and then don’t have them again until Monday night. It’s hard to go so many weekends without the little girls at home. Like…REALLY HARD. C for three, this weather…there are no words. For real. It has been cloudy, and raining, and cold. For weeks. WEEKS. You know when it wasn’t? When it was blizzarding at the beginning of the month. If I didn’t suffer from skin cancer I’d be writing this post from a tanning booth. I kid you not. If I wanted to live in this kind of weather I’d live in London. And wear Burberry. Every single day.
As I was talking with her, she admitted that she’d had a similar day yesterday. And when I opened Facebook tonight, I found that many others seem to be feeling blue today too.
So instead of over analyzing until I’m blue in the face, and instead of rethinking every aspect of this day, I’m going to decide that it’s just one off day. And that tomorrow will be better.
TODAY: What if the sun will come out. Tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow. There’ll be sun (figuratively at least).