I had my ten year high school reunion in 2004. It. Was. AMAZING. I am lucky to have graduated with a really smart and talented group of people, so after all of the BS at the beginning of the night (i.e…after we’d had us some drinks) we had a really good time. I reconnected with some friends of my high school sweetheart that night (we weren’t on speaking terms for a while there), and less than a year later, one of them set me up with a guy I’ll call Rick.
Rick was tall, naturally tan, buff, with a deep voice, and he ADORED me. He paid for me when we went out, he opened doors, and he was polite. He was a little shy but not so much so that I didn’t know what to do with him (I don’t know what to do when people don’t talk…it wigs me out a little). He was nice to my friends and it was clear pretty early on that, if I wanted him to, he would stay around forever. Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards.
We went to movies, went out to dinner, shared bottles of wine, and we were, for all practical purposes, dating. But from the very beginning? I knew something wasn’t right. I thought I was being too picky. I have high standards for the people I date (college doesn’t count…no smirking Eh…just remember I know who you dated in college too). There wasn’t anything overtly wrong with him, though, so I kept dating him.
One Saturday we were at one of my brother’s high school hockey games. It was the first game I’d brought him to. After a bad call by the ref, Rick stood up and proceeded to scream obscenities at him. It was totally inappropriate and misplaced. I tried to convince myself that maybe he was just trying to show that he was on my brother’s (my) side? That would have worked okay as an excuse if he hadn’t done the exact same thing at the next game.
We continued to date, and I continued to feel like something was off, but aside from his behavior at my brother’s hockey games he still seemed to be worth at least a shot. That Fall, when girlfriends and I went to see the movie Brokeback Mountain and he offered some choice (i.e. incredibly offensive and close minded) words to explain why he’d never see it himself, I knew we’d hit the end. There was finally a definitive reason for me to break-up with him.
Aside from what he said on that last day, there just wasn’t anything wrong with him, but I knew he was wrong for me.
Several months ago I moved my blog to another platform. I had planned to remain here but I couldn’t get it to look the way I wanted. Because a website designer I am not. I found a site that was easy enough for me to figure out (essentially website design for idiots), I made it pretty, and without much thought I moved it all over.
From the start I knew something wasn’t right. But it was pretty dang it! There were things I couldn’t do, it wasn’t as easy to actually write in it, but I left it alone because Lord knows it being pretty is way more important than, oh I don’t know, the writing. I also changed the title and the theme. And to be honest…while I loved the idea behind those changes…they didn’t feel right either.
Just like my short-lived relationship with Rick, I tried to convince myself it was exactly where I wanted and needed to be (because…ahem…it was pretty). And, like my relationship with Rick, I knew it wasn’t right. Thus, I wanted to spend less time there. The actual work of posting became irritating, and finicky, and certainly not something I wanted to spend a lot of time working on.
For weeks I’ve been thinking about switching the blog back to this platform. And for weeks I’ve found better things to do. I started working on a post on Thursday and could not bring myself to put it up in the other platform. On Friday I broke-up with the other one and furiously worked to move it back to this one. With (thus far) little success. That means that some of my links aren’t working and some of my posts are missing. And you know what? I’ve decided I’m okay with that (for now). I have plenty of time this summer to tinker, to make it the way I want, to make this site pretty like the last, to get the posts from February through June onto this site, and I will finally be enjoying the ease of this blogging platform again. Making writing a much easier and more pleasant experience.
TODAY: What if I go with my gut and stop doing things that I know just aren’t right?
PS – I’m well aware that none of this means much to you, the reader, but I’m pretty excited about it! And I wanted to explain the change in look and issues with links. So there you go.