MAMACADABRA

Okay seriously…it has been raining and cloudy with very little reprieve for WEEKS and WEEKS.  I can only handle so much rain and dreary weather before I start itching to lay in a tanning bed.  Which I can’t.  You know, with that pesky skin cancer I keep having to get removed and all.  Argh!  Shaking my fists at the sky and screaming “WWWWHHHHYYYYYYY???”

My desk is a nightmare.  Truly.  I have a pile of paperwork nearly a foot tall that I need to sift through, post-it notes everywhere reminding me of things I need to address, a slideshow on my iPad that I need to finish, and oodles of notes to go through.  How did this happen?  I’m usually organized and I really do love to be surrounded by clean surfaces.

My computer desktop is equally disturbing.  I’m the kind of girl who files everything electronically.  I have all of my emails filed, by year, by company, by the kind of business I have with them.  I don’t leave random sh-t on my desktop…I file it so I can easily find it later.  Well…at least I used to.

My laundry, while all done, sits in baskets around the house.  This week my poor family has had to rummage through baskets to find socks and underwear.  The house is a mess, the car needs a wash, the mail is in piles, I haven’t balanced my checkbook in weeks, and I’m surrounded by chaos.

So here’s the thing about my being surrounded by chaos.  I start to feel unfocused, overwhelmed, and my mind feels as cluttered as my surroundings appear.

I’ve been lazy.  I have the time to fold clothes, and I could certainly spend an hour cleaning off my desk and going through my emails, and I normally balance my checkbook every day, but I just haven’t had the will to do any of it.

And frankly?  I blame it on the rain.

Allow me to whine for just a second.  We went from an unusually long winter with an unusual amount of snow, to spring showers that never went away.  We’ve had just a handful of warm and sunny days.  Any normal increase in activity with warmer weather has been started and halted over and over.  The forecast will call for a week of sun and it rains.  People will excitedly talk about an upcoming warm front that never materializes.  Last week I was walking into my office after grabbing lunch thinking ‘this is my favorite time of year’ when I realized I actually thought it was fall.  You know…when cool crisp weather is welcome.  I can think of no other logical reason for my resistance to doing the things I normally attack without giving a second thought.

Something happened earlier this week, though.  I don’t even know what it was, maybe a dream I can’t remember, but it was as if a switch had been turned on in my head.  Scratch that…like a switch had been turned on in my entire being.  I feel this new urgency to make some changes.  Or not so much changes as simply being more committed to things that can have long-term impact on my life.  My health, our finances, my work, our marriage.  None of these individual aspects of my life are even in trouble, but my recent laziness has certainly jeopardized my motivation.

I started picturing 20 years from now.  I don’t want to be nearing 60 with chronic pain or a body that can’t keep up with my mind.  I don’t want to have any financial concerns.  I want to be in a place, professionally, that I can be proud of and that is able to fund a lifestyle I want to enjoy.  I want my marriage to be 20 times as strong as it is today.  For these things to come to fruition I can’t sit inside and lament about the f-cking weather…as much as I may feel like doing so.

Furthermore, I have to keep those pictures of my future top of mind.  Throughout my career, my managers have always asked “how do you maintain a sense of urgency?”  They weren’t asking me how I did it, they were trying to get me to think about how to do it with our clients.  But it’s a good question here and now.  How can I maintain this recent sense of urgency that has come over me?  Especially when my surroundings have me more inclined to order up some Netflix, pop some popcorn, and wrap myself in blankets.

I emailed myself on Monday.  The subject line said “I WILL.”  In it, I listed several things I need to continue doing in order to be where I want to be in 20 years.  On Tuesday, I saw it in my inbox several times and my resolve and motivation was strengthened.  Perhaps I will need to email myself the same message every Monday?

One thing is for certain…a little sunshine would seriously help a sister out…and looky here…

TODAY:  What if I keep the pictures of what I want my future to look like at the top of my mind?  What if I use this new sense of urgency to overcome my recent (rain-induced) laziness?