MAMACADABRA

I was going to name this post Get. Busy. (you’ll see why) but then I thought of “Hey Ladies…get funky”…and I had to use that instead.  Which has nothing to do with this post…but for your Friday listening/viewing pleasure…

In related news I realized today that one of the keys to staying young is listening to the Beastie Boys.  It instantly takes me back to cruising in my 1985 Grand Am, looking for boys, in the early ’90s.  Ahhh…back in the day.

Ahem.

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I’m so busy at work that I can hardly see straight.  I haven’t been busy like this at work in years.  Seriously.  Years.  My mind is so full of things I need to keep track of, things I have to remember to do, things I have to remind others to do, things that, if not done, could be catastrophic to upcoming events.  All of this during the first couple weeks of school for the little girls.  On the surface, when I think about it all, it feels overwhelming and nearly impossible.

And yet…when I’m in the midst of it?  When I’m feverishly writing things down in my planner (I’ve had to revert to using paper), or crossing things off of my list, or loudly b-tching at my computer for not going faster, or using Siri to send emails while I’m driving to and fro…in the midst of it…I am on f-cking fire.

When I reflect on the times in my life in which I’ve felt happiest, most confident, most successful, and the most b-tchin’, it is always in times when I was ridiculously busy.  When I’ve had high pressure and fast paced jobs.  When I’ve had so much going on that my mind was crazed and I couldn’t see straight.  When my schedule was booked, there was little down time in sight, and I was running around with my hair on fire.

Logically…seriously…how can this be?!  During those periods in my life, time went by quick, days/weeks/months passed in a blink of an eye.  Shouldn’t that be the opposite of what I want?!  What I’m realizing is that boredom…too much time on my hands…sitting idle…it nearly leaves me incapacitated (and depressed, and lost, and grasping at straws for what my purpose should be).  Put 73,000 things on my plate and I can do all of it and more.  I can make snap decisions, I can get my shit done, I can see the big picture, I can delegate, I can manage, and I can produce…essentially I work to my potential and then some.

Wait…what?!

My girlfriend Ess and I.  We have been talking about the elusive “working to our potential” for years.  We met when we both worked for the same nonprofit eight years ago.  At the time, we both loved our jobs.  By the end of our time at the organization we’d fallen into a slump.  We lamented about not working to our full potential.  Not using our brains.  Going through the motions.  Having tremendous professional success without really trying.  It made us insane.  How on earth could we be so successful without really trying?!  There has to be more, right?!  We spent hours chugging Diet Coke and inhaling chips and salsa and going on and on about how we needed to be doing more.

I haven’t seen Ess since we went on a Girls’ Weekend in July.  Not for lack of trying.  We’ve tried to schedule lunch 59 times to no avail.  Why you ask?  Because we are both doing more and are so f-cking busy!  Do you know what we’ve been spending our email conversations discussing?  We’ve been lamenting about how we HATE that we can’t see each other anymore.  How we HATE that it’s so hard to meet for an hour lunch.  How we feel off kilter when we go for long periods of time without talking to each other.  Hmm…

Ess has a job that is demanding, requires her to work her a-s off, and she has big responsibilities for making things run smoothly and effectively.  She also has three boys, all in sports, two in school.  She is on the go constantly.  She is working to (and past) her potential nearly every day.

Me too.  But as I look back on the past several weeks, I can tell you that I have also been far more productive and satisfied than normal.  My house is clean, my laundry is done, my checkbooks are balanced, I’ve gotten a number of things done that were on a list I’ve had for months.  Not to mention preparing for our upcoming little girl birthday parties and all that goes along with them and planning for a new Girl Scout year for two troops.

It’s when I’m bored at work that I go home and want to die in a pile.  When I avoid going out with friends.  When I’d rather spend time with Real Housewives than real people.  When I can’t for the life of me seem to get anything done at home.  When I feel like I should find school programs in which to enroll.

I guess the moral of the story is that for some people, me included, juggling a million things is the only way to feel like I’m at my best.  Maybe the only way I can be at my best.

TODAY:  What if this craziness that is my life is actually the way it’s supposed to be for me?  What if I’m at my best only when I have the opportunity to be my best in a million different roles/ways?  Well…I guess I’d better get my seatbelt on…because I really do like to be at my best!