When I was single I was picky. My friends, all married, would try to set me up with great guys. But, like Seinfeld, I could easily find flaws in most of the men with whom dates had been scheduled.
There was the guy who liked baseball (what guy doesn’t like baseball?) which I was excited about until I realized it meant he wore an MLB hat, MLB clothing, an MLB watch, slept on MLB bedding, and LIVED baseball every second of every day. Umm…I love me some baseball, even attempted to make it to as many outdoor parks as possible in my late 20s, but buying your clothing, accessories, and home furnishings from Major League Baseball stores? No.
Then the guy who was nearly perfect in every way. Great job, owned a house in a great neighborhood, working on his MBA, loved golf, paid for all of our dates, and yet…drank just a teensy bit too much. Each and every time we went out. No thank you.
Then the guy who adored me, had a great job, was handsome and chivalrous, who also, unbeknownst to me, had a tendency to yell…no scream…no spit obscenities at the referees calling my then junior high aged brother’s hockey games. Really? No.
Or the guys who seemed perfect but suffered from fear of commitment. Thanks but no thanks fellas.
And then, out of nowhere, I met my husband. And all bets were off. Because from the moment I laid eyes on him, and had my first conversation with him (in which he kind of put me in my place), my mind was screaming “HELL. YES.”
And “it’s about damn time.” And “he is HANDSOME!” And “holy hell he dances?!” And “those shoes!!!” And “argyle socks for the love of God???” And…the rest is history.
And…I’ve gone off topic. Forgive me…it’s late.
Funny thing happens when you take a hard look at yourself…as I have in the past week. Clarity starts to appear everywhere.
Last week, as I began to realize that meds may be in my future, I started to write down all of the things I’d considered in the past six months. Job offers, business opportunities, volunteer gigs, and my current state of affairs. As I reflected on things I’d let pass me by, or things I’d decided against, I realized that I hadn’t actually put some of those ideas or opportunities to bed in my mind. There were a couple that lingered as good possibilities but that I hadn’t done anything about.
I made a decision that now? Now is the time to either cut and run or make some magic happen. One of the two. The things I let sit in my head with no clear idea on whether or not I want to proceed with them? They need to go. Like…pronto.
I started making appointments. With admissions staff who could talk me through some graduate programs I’d been considering. With contacts that had asked me to be a part of an up and coming business. With nonprofit organizations for whom I’d long thought about volunteering. And as each appointment day arrived, I ignored my desire to cancel the meetings (because I’m SO busy…or just chicken…you decide), and I went and gathered every piece of information necessary for me to actually determine whether or not it’s a fit for me.
That fabulous grad program that allows you to pick and choose your interests and create a custom Master’s Degree? The meeting, while lovely and informative, had so little structure and so little of it felt concrete. Imagine 32 credits of that. Not a fit for me at all.
Checked off my list.
The business opportunity? While I believe in the mission, and I know they’ll be successful, after a 90 minute meeting full of questions and logistics information and PowerPoints and potential timelines for my participation? I got in my car feeling confident that a) that business is going to be amazing, and b) it is so not my gig. At all. And after months of wringing my hands and wondering if I was letting a golden opportunity slip through my fingers? I can now say with confidence that it’s not for me.
Checked off my list.
I told you that two weeks ago I went to a Girl Scouts meeting hoping to simply find existing troops in which I could squeeze my little girls. I walked out a troop leader. As the days have passed and my inbox has started to fill with Girl Scout related emails, and I’ve somehow volunteered to lead a second troop, I’ve kind of been pretending it’s not real. Like I’ve been sitting with my fingers in my ears and singing Mary Had a Little Lamb at the top of my lungs to avoid learning any of the details. Well tonight I had a meeting for new leaders. The ugly truth is that from this point forward I will be doing some form of Girl Scouts every Monday night. You read that correctly. Every. Monday. Night. Every one. And as I sat in my meeting tonight, fairly certain that my head might explode (and that drinking more wine would likely make me a much happier camper), I was so excited about the things my little girls will get to experience in Girl Scouts. Grateful that they’d have those experiences with ME. Honored to be a part of an organization that I loved as a little girl and that is so committed to instilling leadership in girls and young women. I left the meeting feeling overwhelmed and totally committed.
I was talking with my girlfriend Aych tonight and she brought up a good point. Which is now the point of this post (thanks Aych!). It’s time to go through the list and either check things off or jump on them. As she said “if it ain’t a hell yes it’s a no.” Genius. My girlfriends are geniuses I tell you.
As I adapt to feeling better, feeling more like myself, I’m also going to try to live by these words. Who has time or energy for anything that doesn’t bring out our passion or make us excited?
TODAY: What if it needs to be a HELL YES to receive my time and energy? What if instead of pondering things for months I take the appropriate steps to learn more and then either drop them or make them happen?
PS – For those who offered kind and gentle words yesterday…thank you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.